Just Laugh’s Guide to Earth Day

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We only have one planet … at least until NASA gets off their keisters and we get around to colonizing Mars, anyways … so in the meantime it makes only sense that mankind should make a marginal effort to keep from completely trashing the place while we still have to live here.

That marginal effort is one that takes place each year called Earth Day, celebrated by a percentage of our population doing things outside to make it seem like we actually appreciate the natural world around us because even if we really don’t, Mother Nature still awards points for effort.

Here are some ways to earn your Earth Day Points this year that you should totally try for yourself!

• No farting.
• Spend a portion of your day walking around outside, thinking about the Earth and what a swell place it is to live. Hum the tune to Captain Planet as you go and kick Dr. Blight in the nuts if you see him.
• Trim back half hour-long shower to more reasonable 30 minutes.
• Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back for remembering to carry the recycling bin out to the curb this week.
• Pledge to plant a new tree for each one that you’ve heroically ripped from Mother Earth with the help of your freakishly mutated blue ox named Babe.
• Instead of driving your car to the store, order a pizza for delivery so that you can spend more time watching documentaries on the Discovery Channel about ways to conserve energy.
• If anyone at school or work tries to peer pressure you into polluting, just say no.
• Invent an economical, environmentally sustainable way of generating green energy for the world’s population to replace the burning of fossil fuels and then soak in that delicious sun all the way to the bank as your revolutionary idea makes you rich beyond your wildest dreams while also helping to save the planet or whatever.