If you’re like 99% of guys, you dread Valentine’s Day because it’s a horrible holiday where we give and give and give, and that’s about it. So just don’t do it!
Ok, so if you want to be in a relationship of any sort on this particular planet, you’re going to have to play the Valentine’s game, but there’s still plenty of time for procrastinating and putting off all of your romantic preparations until the last possible minute! Here are some great tips to help you focus on not focusing on Valentine’s Day before the timing is almost, but not actually too late…
- If your spouse or significant other brings up the question of Valentine’s Day plans, plug your fingers in your ears and sing, “La la la…” until they briskly change the subject.
- Alternatively, just give them a big wink and say, “It’s a surprise!” even though at that point it’ll be just as much of a surprise to you as it’s going to be to them.
- Whenever you find yourself passing the heart-shaped candy boxes at the store, just buy some for yourself instead. As they say, you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else, and I don’t know about you, but I love me some Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts!
- Wear a burlap sack to bed to keep your mind in the right place until you’re good and ready to be romantic.
- Remember that the freshest rose you can get your love is the one you pick out of your neighbor’s garden just before walking through the door. Much cheaper, too!
- Use this time to catch up on your DVR recordings. There was some big football game on just this last weekend – might still be worth checking out!
- Above all else, keep in mind The Mantra of the Lazy Man – never upstage future you! There are plenty of adequate Valentine’s Day dates that can be planned an hour in advance, tops – outdo yourself today and you’ll only have yourself to blame for Valentine’s Days in the years to come. A walk in the park segues to a picnic segues to awkward sex in the back of your Kia Sorento … it was simple, it only cost you $20 in deli meats and some sides, and you’re good to go for another year!