Other Things We’re Leaving Behind with the TSA…

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Last week the TSA reported that travelers left behind nearly $675,000 in loose change at airports around the United States in 2014 … but is that the only thing we’re leaving behind with our friendly friskers in blue as we rush to spend three hours cramped between a soccer mom and a sweaty guy in a tin can flying 700 mph on our way home from spring break???

Reports from other travelers also included the following:

• an unwavering sense of patriotism that only hyper-invasive, full-body scanning technology can beckon
• that bully from high school who couldn’t quite cut it to qualify for the hometown police department
• Gropey Gertie’s personal cell phone number
• a perfectly fine bottle of water so we can buy a brand new one twenty feet away
• an unexpected conversation regarding peanut butter apparently being considered a gel
• one voucher for a complimentary reach-around good at any TSA Checkpoint in the continental United States
• handwritten poetry entitled “Grope Me Gently, Tiny TSA Agent”
• whatever human dignity we thought we had left