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What’s on the Agenda for the Pope’s Visit to America?

© / Dollar Photo Club

He’s here, he’s queer … no wait, that doesn’t sound right…

He’s actually the leader of the Catholic Church and God’s second in command, and this week his Grand Papalness has traveled all the way from his home high upon Mount Olympus to bestow upon those of us humble Americans who foolishly believe in his shenanigans the true path towards righteousness and free blessings and all sorts of shit like that.

Luckily, our crack staff managed to stumble upon the Pope’s official itinerary while he’s visiting the United States, so if you think our last Pope visit was a wild time, look what Pope Francis has in store for his very first trip to the humbly sacrilegious US of A…

  • Remind 98% of American Christians that they’re completely out of touch with actual teachings of the Bible
  • Highly anticipated appearance at the Texas 47th Annual Giant Hat Festival
  • Meet Taylor Swift, but avoid getting written into one of her songs
  • Blah blah … Holy Spirit … yada yada…
  • Old Navy 40% Off Sale
  • Sit through no more than 2.5 hours of denouncements from Republican Congressmen who don’t even wear pointy hats at all
  • Smuggle in no less than 70,000 Syrian refugees, mostly under his gigantic Pope hat
  • Maybe stop off for a Slurpee if they have time
About Scott Sevener (580 Posts since 2001)
The Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Just Laugh, Scott writes about the random things in life that amuse him - from the miracle of childbirth to the bologna sandwich he just ate for breakfast. He currently resides in Tampa, FL with a girl, a baby, and a dog that never shuts the hell up.