Everyone loves birthdays, but seriously, who can eat more than one slice of their own birthday cake a year?
Not anyone who’s still claiming to live by those crazy new years resolutions you concocted four weeks ago, that’s for sure! Thankfully, there are loads of ways to dispose of unwanted birthday cake whether you’re bulimic or simply allergic to the sweet, sugary happiness that is bestowed upon you by people who like you precisely once a year…
- Stick a slice in the freezer to save until next year like newlyweds do with their wedding cakes. It’ll probably be disgusting, but at least you’re creating new traditions!
- Lick all of the frosting off and run around the office the rest of the day with blue lips and teeth like a goddamned professional.
- Sneak a little into your kids’ lunches each day – they’ll never know the difference and you know how kids can always use a little extra sugar.
- Sprinkle a healthy amount of crumbs into an envelope addressed to each person who was “too busy attending their son’s bar mitzvah” to make an appearance at your party.
- Throw it in the garbage, and then sincerely regret your decision hours later when it’s 4:30am and you find yourself eating day-old birthday cake out of the garbage.
- Divide it out into small samples and spend hours at the grocery store handing them out to strangers, thus getting their hopes up for something they’ll never actually find in the store if they actually like it.
- Sit down at that table, don your itchy party hat, and refuse to relinquish your special day until every last morsel of that chocolate cake has been consumed.
- If all else fails, try having more friends next time, you pitiful chump.