Baseball’s Opening Day Promises to Be Just as Boring as Ever

Tweet

CHICAGO (Just Laugh) – From the hotdogs in the stands to the throwing out of the first pitch, baseball fans across America have been anxiously awaiting today as the official start of Major League Baseball’s 2015 season, and with the same tedious warm-ups, uneventful scoring, and mind-numbingly cumbersome gameplay that fans have loved in years past, this year promises to be just as boring as ever as we endure an excessive 30 teams facing off one by one, by one, by one, until finally later on this summer or fall or whenever the hell baseball is actually over and we’re left with only one team that’s still awake.

“Baseball fans have a lot to be excited about in 2015,” announced MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred after drinking the required six pots of coffee that his body has grown accustomed to needing in order to be able to talk about his mundane sport for upwards of 12 hours every day, which is coincidentally about how long each game of Major League Baseball feels. “Every rain delay, every inning that passes with almost no one on either team really doing a damn thing – those are the moments that make America’s pastime mind-rupturingly monotonous and I for one can’t wait to start boring a whole new generation of baseball fans this year!”

With masochistic season ticket holders already lining up to be the first into stadiums so that they don’t miss a single minute of slumber in those uncomfortable, plastic seats while their favorite stars stand idle for hours on end out in the hot son, there couldn’t be a better time to get psyched up about America’s Favorite Humdrum Sport.