BOSTON (Just Laugh) – Though deflation of the pigskin below its regulated 12.5 and 13.5 PSI has proven to be quite the controversy this week as the New England Patriots found themselves accused of deflating game balls for an advantage in their AFC Championship game against the Indianapolis Colts, doctors at the University of Arizona School of Medicine want to remind fans of the sport that deflated balls in a football game aren’t nearly as serious as their real world, and potentially life-threatening counterpart.
“It’s a condition that often gets swept under the rug due to its, errr, sensitive nature,” explained Chief of Urology Davison Adderly, “but 1 in 11 men over the age of 30 in the United States suffer from deflated balls. It’s a horribly painful condition, as the name implies … the testicles, much like the footballs that Tom Brady throws and catches, become increasingly soft, kind of like a bag of grapes that get forgotten in the back of the refrigerator for far too long…”
“And as you would expect,” Dr. Adderly continued, “as the genitals lose their firmness, they become incredibly painful – it’s a pain that worsens until eventually the balls, I mean, testicles collapse on themselves altogether, thus rendering them useless and requiring immediate surgery to eliminate the constant agony felt by the man.”
When asked why there aren’t more campaigns to spread awareness about deflated balls, Dr. Adderly told us, “Although softened testicles aren’t exactly at the top of discussion topics among most men, we’re looking forward to using this incident with the Patriots to let as many people know about the medical effects of deflated balls that we can.”
“Remember when you’re watching the big game this weekend, there’s a good chance that two of the 22 men out there on that field have deflated balls.”
“Well, three if you count the one being tossed around by Tom Brady. Go Seahawks!”