Every Problem in the World Finally Solved Once and For All

Tweet

EARTH (Just Laugh) – Though it was a day that many expected never to come, humanity breathed a sigh of relief today as it awoke from its beds to discover that each and every last problem of the world had finally been solved…

With sturdy social programs like nationalized healthcare, disability insurance, and a world-class education system to drive unemployment down to a record 0%, Americans across the United States saw employers begin to value their workers with genuine appreciation as innovation and creativity drove record profits and steadily reduced imports to ensure that citizens’ dollars first and foremost went to support economic growth at home in their own country.

By encouraging widespread and aggressive advancements in the realms of renewable energy and resource conservation worldwide, scientists were ecstatic to report that global pollution and associated warming had already begun to plummet and serve as a tipping point for the rescue of both endangered species as well as land ice at the arctic poles and other habitats that were once written off as lost causes by the global communities that had collectively led to their unfortunate demise.

As the United States shone once again as a beacon of inspiration for the rest of the world, new ages of peace and prosperity began to flourish in the Middle East, as well as across both Africa and Asia, culminating with stable economies and even the general disarmament of military forces from one corner of the globe to the other, all countries collectively coming to discover just how much more productive they could be for their own peoples when they didn’t have to waste precious resources on war and defense.

In distant lands from Paris to Hong Kong, Egypt to San Francisco, and of course New York City, tourism and travel increased exponentially as countries took new strides to welcome their foreign visitors with open arms to share in their rich cultures and unique histories, shrugging aside all barriers of race, religion, creed, and sexual expression to unite as common people all along for the same journey of life on the planet Earth together.

With nothing but the future to race towards, nations big and small began a new type of battle as they fought to be the best once again in areas of technology, athletic achievement, humanitarianism, and general goodwill, thus invoking a myriad of worldwide, Olympic-side events to encourage competition for the betterment of society as a whole. Already this new dedication to progress promises to land contingents on Mars decades earlier than originally predicted, the end of numerous diseases that have plagued humanity, and the development of an advanced communications network that aims to connect the far reaches of the world in ways that the creators of its predecessor, the Internet, never even could’ve imagined.

As education, health, and prosperity surged while infant mortality, homelessness, and wealth disparity dropped to zero, the human race was happy to look around themselves and throw their hands up in celebration this morning, knowing that they could finally relax and enjoy all of the incredible wonders that life has to offer now that every problem in the world was at last now officially behind them.