Man Honors Fallen Soldiers By Renting Kick-Ass Waverunner

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Indian River, Michigan (Just Laugh) – As the nation prepares pause to pay tribute to its greatest heroes who died in service for their country, one proud man in Northern Michigan shares his steadfast admiration to those freedom fighters with a special battle cry of his own – one that can only be elicited by flying at nearly 60 mph across Burt Lake on the Yamaha VX110 that he’s rented for $90/hour well spent.

“This thing is awesome!” Chad Johnson exclaimed during his fourth pass, spraying a powerful blast of water in the direction of his buddies who were also hoping to share in his tribute by taking the waverunner out for a quick spin with their respective honeys. “We got one last summer for a family reunion and it totally kicked ass, so I just knew that I had to have one the next time that we got everybody out on the lake.”

As the man continued to bogart the jet ski that the entire group had agreed to chip in for the rental cost, his longtime childhood buddy Dale O’Brien informed us, “Oh, Johnson – he loves his country. He almost joined the Army right out of high school, but then he didn’t. He’s got this sweet tattoo of an eagle soaring over an American flag, though – he was kind of a pussy when he got it, but it’s still pretty badass.”

After finally handing the waverunner off to one of his buddies in exchange for a fresh can of Bud Light from the cooler, when asked how he and his friends planned on spending Memorial Day the next day, Johnson replied, “We might go to the parade or something. I don’t know – it’s usually pretty early and there’s supposed to be this gnarly bonfire over at my cousin’s lake house tonight that’s going to be wild, but we’ll see.”