Irving, TX (Just Laugh) – Pending announcements that the Boy Scouts of America may be finally ready to remove the ban on gay adult leadership from their charter after only last year updating its policies to allow homosexual youth in its program, one conservative religious group relentlessly in favor of the ban has come forth to offer its support to the organization during its upcoming period of transition.
“We just want the Boy Scouts to know,” explained Ron Ferguson of Conservative Religions Against People (CRAP), “that even if they’re willing to give in to the social pressures around all of this gay stuff, when it comes down to it there are still plenty of other options at their disposal to continue with the time-honored tradition of discriminating against their own members whom they strive to sculpt into the future leaders of tomorrow.”
“Just a couple of ideas that’ve worked pretty good for us so far…” Ferguson offered. “You can discriminate against what they believe, you can discriminate against what they think, you can discriminate against how they think, you can discriminate against if they think.”
“You can discriminate against their gender. Well, you can’t, but if you’re sneaky about it you can. You can discriminate against the length of their hair … the color of their hair … their sense of fashion…”
“Ha!” the man laughed out loud. “I remember when I was in Scouts, they made us wear those crazy, green short-shorts – there’s got to be something to discriminate about there!”
“You’ve got your meat discrimination, your fish discrimination, your morning breakfast beverage discrimination, fire building discrimination, wood carving discrimination, basketweaving discrimination, religious and/or political affiliation discrimination…”