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U.S. Politicians Continue to Argue How Clean for Environment is Clean Enough

© rusty elliott / Dollar Photo Club

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) – Weeks before the rollout of President Obama’s Clean Power Plan to reduce carbon emissions from the energy industry which some Senate Republicans are already urging vehemently to boycott, politicians continue to ponder the question they’ve been debating for decades – how clean is clean enough for the air that 7 billion people breathe every day???

“I mean, come on!” protested Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell in a heated mentioning of the new regulations by name. “Last time they said we couldn’t pollute as much, and now they want us to stop polluting even more – where does it end?!”

“It ends with higher prices for consumers and lost jobs for those same consumers,” argued pro-pollution Texas Governor Greg Abbott, whose home state boasts 20 coal-fueled power plants and an incredible reputation for quality barbecue. “How are we supposed to keep the lights on without pollutin’?!” he furthered before firing his six-shooters wildly into the air.

“What the American people need to understand,” Senator Ted Cruz, R-Texas and presidential candidate, explained dramatically, “is that if there’s one thing that our lawless, socialist president hates even more than freedom, it’s pollution, and with God as my witness the millisecond that I’m elected your next president, I’m going to make sure that the American people – especially those of us who happen to own coal plants – are free to do just as much polluting as their god-blessing-freedom hearts desire.”

“The Chinese are taking everything from us,” cited an impassioned Scott Walker, Governor of Wisconsin and Yet Another Republican Presidential Candidate. “They’ve taken our jobs, they’ve taken our cheese hats, and they’ve even taken our record as the country with the highest carbon emissions on Earth! We can get our record back and really crank up those emissions just like we kicked the bucket out from underneath our precious teachers here in Wisconsin, but first we need to get somebody in the White House who isn’t afraid of a little pollution.”

“It’s not like anyone has to breathe the stuff, anyways…”

About Scott Sevener (580 Posts since 2001)
The Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Just Laugh, Scott writes about the random things in life that amuse him - from the miracle of childbirth to the bologna sandwich he just ate for breakfast. He currently resides in Tampa, FL with a girl, a baby, and a dog that never shuts the hell up.