Just Laugh http://www.justlaugh.com Your Source for Humor on the Internet... Mon, 12 Mar 2018 20:51:26 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.2.1 Terrible Alternatives to Daylight Saving Time… http://www.justlaugh.com/features/2018/alternatives-daylight-saving-time/ Mon, 12 Mar 2018 20:51:26 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5552 Except for maybe one lone farmer in Oklahoma, nobody likes Daylight Saving Time. It made you late for work today, or early – we can never remember which – and it’s just a general pain in the ass to figure out which clocks changed and which ones didn’t. Who has the time for any of that?! Recently some states have proposed doing away with this Magical Biannual Clock Switcheroo™ altogether, which somehow seems equally confusing, so to help add to the Chaos of Innovation®, Just Laugh has assembled this list of some more terrible alternatives to avoid taking five minutes to update our clocks around here twice a year… People in states starting with A through K turn their clocks ahead 1 hour; L through Z turn their clocks back the sum of 43 plus the number of days until their birthday, divided by the approval rating of their favorite president. Democrats should turn their clocks ahead 1 hour, while Republicans turn their clocks back 65 years to those golden years when their racism and general bigoted ways were still hip and trendy. All clocks will be confiscated by the Department of Homeland Chronology and replaced with new government-approved time keeping devices [...]

The post Terrible Alternatives to Daylight Saving Time… appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
Except for maybe one lone farmer in Oklahoma, nobody likes Daylight Saving Time.

It made you late for work today, or early – we can never remember which – and it’s just a general pain in the ass to figure out which clocks changed and which ones didn’t. Who has the time for any of that?!

Recently some states have proposed doing away with this Magical Biannual Clock Switcheroo™ altogether, which somehow seems equally confusing, so to help add to the Chaos of Innovation®, Just Laugh has assembled this list of some more terrible alternatives to avoid taking five minutes to update our clocks around here twice a year…

  • People in states starting with A through K turn their clocks ahead 1 hour; L through Z turn their clocks back the sum of 43 plus the number of days until their birthday, divided by the approval rating of their favorite president.
  • Democrats should turn their clocks ahead 1 hour, while Republicans turn their clocks back 65 years to those golden years when their racism and general bigoted ways were still hip and trendy.
  • All clocks will be confiscated by the Department of Homeland Chronology and replaced with new government-approved time keeping devices that will be universally calibrated and require fresh batteries every six weeks.
  • Gun owners may consider shooting their firearms directly at the sun. Like the rest of America’s problems, it won’t do any good, but it should keep them occupied while the responsible adults work towards an actual solution.
  • On Monday turn your clock ahead 21 minutes. On Tuesday turn your clock back 45 minutes. On Wednesday turn your clock around to face the wall. On Thursday submerge your clock in the toilet for at least 5 minutes. On Friday take your clock out for a nice date night – it’s earned it!
  • Stop posting pictures of your clocks on social media. Nobody cares what your 12:37pm looked like.
  • Check your clocks to ensure they have a clear view of the sky. Objects blocking the clock’s view of the sky such as tree branches, or things on the clock like snow buildup can interfere with the time signal.
  • Give up your beliefs in time altogether. Buy a boat. Move near the ocean. Capsize your boat in a drunk fishing accident. Never worry about Daylight Saving Time again…

The post Terrible Alternatives to Daylight Saving Time… appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
HUD Secretary Ben Carson Spends $1.2M on Gold Statue with Large Ears http://www.justlaugh.com/features/fake-news/2018/hud-secretary-ben-carson-spends-1-2m-gold-statue-large-ears/ Wed, 28 Feb 2018 01:03:07 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5541 WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) – On the heels of reporting that the Department of Housing and Urban Development spent some $31,000 on a dining room set for Secretary Ben Carson’s office after being pressured by his wife, Candy Carson, to find additional funds for redecorating to exceed the predetermined $5,000 cap, Just Laugh uncovered several additional extravagant line items in Carson’s expenditures that raise serious red flags about the state of the HUD’s budget… Such items include: (1) Gold Statue with Exceptionally Large Ears – $1.2M (36) Ornately Carved Onyx Tea Spoons – $57,000 (12) Copies of the 1997 Walt Disney Pictures Hit Air Bud on DVD – $125 (2) Tickets to See DJ Snake This Weekend at the Echostage – $80 “Everything in my department has a purpose,” Mr. Carson explained in his iconic monotonous, slumber-inducing voice, “and this beautiful, gold statue is no exception. It’s a reminder that we always need to be listening to the people – because the American people are golden.” “Besides, you can’t even buy a decent gold statue with large ears for less than $900,000 – everybody knows that.” Mr. Carson then casually put his feet up on the table to reveal a pair of exorbitant, gold slippers [...]

The post HUD Secretary Ben Carson Spends $1.2M on Gold Statue with Large Ears appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) – On the heels of reporting that the Department of Housing and Urban Development spent some $31,000 on a dining room set for Secretary Ben Carson’s office after being pressured by his wife, Candy Carson, to find additional funds for redecorating to exceed the predetermined $5,000 cap, Just Laugh uncovered several additional extravagant line items in Carson’s expenditures that raise serious red flags about the state of the HUD’s budget…

Such items include:

  • (1) Gold Statue with Exceptionally Large Ears – $1.2M
  • (36) Ornately Carved Onyx Tea Spoons – $57,000
  • (12) Copies of the 1997 Walt Disney Pictures Hit Air Bud on DVD – $125
  • (2) Tickets to See DJ Snake This Weekend at the Echostage – $80

“Everything in my department has a purpose,” Mr. Carson explained in his iconic monotonous, slumber-inducing voice, “and this beautiful, gold statue is no exception. It’s a reminder that we always need to be listening to the people – because the American people are golden.”

“Besides, you can’t even buy a decent gold statue with large ears for less than $900,000 – everybody knows that.”

Mr. Carson then casually put his feet up on the table to reveal a pair of exorbitant, gold slippers upon his feet, to which he commented upon our noticing, “These beautiful, gold slippers are a reminder that it’s time for me to take a nap. It’s time for all of us to take a nap now…”

The post HUD Secretary Ben Carson Spends $1.2M on Gold Statue with Large Ears appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
AR-15 Gives Birth to Beautiful, 7.5 Lb Killing Machine http://www.justlaugh.com/shorts/headlines/2018/ar-15-gives-birth-beautiful-7-5-lb-killing-machine/ Tue, 27 Feb 2018 00:00:11 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5527 The post AR-15 Gives Birth to Beautiful, 7.5 Lb Killing Machine appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
The post AR-15 Gives Birth to Beautiful, 7.5 Lb Killing Machine appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
Trump Threatens to Start Kicking Puppies in Refute of Russian Collusion http://www.justlaugh.com/features/fake-news/2018/trump-threatens-start-kicking-puppies-refute-russian-collusion/ Mon, 26 Feb 2018 22:01:44 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5531 WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) – After a flurry of frustrated tweets insisting that he couldn’t even spell the word “collusion,” much less be involved with whatever it’s supposed to be, President Donald Trump took to announcing a more focused approach to persuade the nation that it was time to move on from blaming him for soliciting help from the noble communists of the Russian Federation to aid in his election and overall demoralization of the United States. “Literally every person in America loves me except for the mainstream media,” explained President Trump calmly and rationally. “They love what I’m doing to the environment, they love how I refused to share my personal tax returns while also lowering taxes extensively for fellow billionaires, and they showed it by making every appearance that I’ve hosted since my election the most attended events in the history of this great nation.” “I don’t know who else has to say it,” the disheartened Trump continued. “Fox News reports on it every day, Wikileaks has posted their groundbreaking espionage about it … even Alex Jones of Infowars agrees, ‘Trump didn’t collude…’ – end of story!” “I mean, Alex Jones also thinks that there are aliens living in the basement [...]

The post Trump Threatens to Start Kicking Puppies in Refute of Russian Collusion appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) – After a flurry of frustrated tweets insisting that he couldn’t even spell the word “collusion,” much less be involved with whatever it’s supposed to be, President Donald Trump took to announcing a more focused approach to persuade the nation that it was time to move on from blaming him for soliciting help from the noble communists of the Russian Federation to aid in his election and overall demoralization of the United States.

“Literally every person in America loves me except for the mainstream media,” explained President Trump calmly and rationally. “They love what I’m doing to the environment, they love how I refused to share my personal tax returns while also lowering taxes extensively for fellow billionaires, and they showed it by making every appearance that I’ve hosted since my election the most attended events in the history of this great nation.”

“I don’t know who else has to say it,” the disheartened Trump continued. “Fox News reports on it every day, Wikileaks has posted their groundbreaking espionage about it … even Alex Jones of Infowars agrees, ‘Trump didn’t collude…’ – end of story!”

“I mean, Alex Jones also thinks that there are aliens living in the basement of the White House who I bowl with every Thursday night after Hannity, but he’s spot on about the no collusion thing. SPOT ON.”

“I wish that I had more friends like Fox & Friends – that gang really provides honest and respectable news coverage, and the women on there … WOW … let’s just say that if they didn’t all have sexual harassment suits against their former employer, I might be dating them!” the President joked about the subject that spiked a major political movement in the previous year under his administration.

“So here’s what I’m gonna do,” he finally alluded, “people love puppies.”

“They love ’em!”

“Puppies are a $14 billion industry in America, and I just bought an entire case of them because starting today, whenever somebody accuses me of ‘colluding with the Russians to ruin America,’ I’m going to get up from my desk in the Oval Office, and I’m going to go outside and punt a puppy across the South Lawn.”

“Would you like that, Democrats – your President kicking puppies across the White House lawn because you don’t want to stop spreading fake news about how I occasionally like to sit next to Vladimir Putin for a nice steam and talk to him in detail about his hopes and aspirations for the world???”

“Because it’s going to happen,” Trump said, looking directly into the camera with a fierce sigh, “and I think everyone who loves puppies in this country will agree that Donald Trump didn’t ever collude with the Russians about nothing.”

“But go ahead and keeping saying that I did if you hate puppies,” the President challenged. “I’ve got a whole box of these things and you’ll be surprised at the distance I can get out of one of them when Pence stands one up like a football for me.”

The post Trump Threatens to Start Kicking Puppies in Refute of Russian Collusion appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
Just Laugh’s Guide to More Things You Should’ve Given Up for Lent http://www.justlaugh.com/features/2018/just-laughs-guide-things-shouldve-given-lent/ Sun, 25 Feb 2018 20:43:41 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5521 You’re already two weeks late for lent. I know that, you know that, but God? He’s actually surprisingly lax about the whole thing, so better late than never when it comes to giving up stuff that you love for the Lord, am I right?! Not sure about what you love enough to give up for this solemn religious observance in the Christian liturgical calendar? Once again we’ve put together a fantastic assortment of baubles and whatsits for your personal sacrifice to your otherwise deeply personal religious beliefs. If you’re feeling extra-righteous, pick a couple of them to give up and boy, is Jesus going to be impressed! Five really small fish arranged ever so particularly on a brass plate. Podcasts. Collusion. Collard greens. Colanders. Cookie Monster Fan Fiction. The first 1/3 of the categories listed on PornHub – Amateur through Double Penetration. Pocket Lint. Your brother Clint. That dated parody song you’ve been working on – Too Legit to Lent. Stupid meetings at work. Toenail clippings. Leftover Halloween candy. At least three of the Ten Commandments – your pick. Not using your turn signals like a goddamned maniac. Pickle juice. Juicing (i.e. drugs). Bounce houses (if over 39″ tall). If you’re over 39″ tall, that is – [...]

The post Just Laugh’s Guide to More Things You Should’ve Given Up for Lent appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
You’re already two weeks late for lent.

I know that, you know that, but God? He’s actually surprisingly lax about the whole thing, so better late than never when it comes to giving up stuff that you love for the Lord, am I right?!

Not sure about what you love enough to give up for this solemn religious observance in the Christian liturgical calendar? Once again we’ve put together a fantastic assortment of baubles and whatsits for your personal sacrifice to your otherwise deeply personal religious beliefs.

If you’re feeling extra-righteous, pick a couple of them to give up and boy, is Jesus going to be impressed!

  • Five really small fish arranged ever so particularly on a brass plate.
  • Podcasts.
  • Collusion.
  • Collard greens.
  • Colanders.
  • Cookie Monster Fan Fiction.
  • The first 1/3 of the categories listed on PornHub – Amateur through Double Penetration.
  • Pocket Lint.
  • Your brother Clint.
  • That dated parody song you’ve been working on – Too Legit to Lent.
  • Stupid meetings at work.
  • Toenail clippings.
  • Leftover Halloween candy.
  • At least three of the Ten Commandments – your pick.
  • Not using your turn signals like a goddamned maniac.
  • Pickle juice.
  • Juicing (i.e. drugs).
  • Bounce houses (if over 39″ tall).
  • If you’re over 39″ tall, that is – 39″ would be a very small bounce house.
  • #TinyBounceHouse
  • Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men.
  • Peanut shells.
  • Sexual harassment.
  • Commenting on things on the Internet without reading them first.
  • General personality-induced douchery.
  • Bragging about the size of your nuclear button on Twitter.

The post Just Laugh’s Guide to More Things You Should’ve Given Up for Lent appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
Florida Lawmakers Propose New Restrictions to Men’s Room Urinal Access http://www.justlaugh.com/features/fake-news/2018/florida-lawmakers-propose-new-restrictions-mens-room-urinal-access/ Sun, 25 Feb 2018 16:30:04 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5516 TALLAHASSEE (Just Laugh) – Amid tense discussions around the possibility of gun control legislation in response to the recent mass shooting that left 17 dead at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, state lawmakers are surprising constituents with legislation that, while they admit is far from the gun control debate, is nonetheless a bipartisan issue that both sides can rally around to show that Florida’s legislature is fully capable of addressing serious issues despite recent tragedy. “For far too long,” State Senator and Republican Majority Leader Wilton Simpson explained, “our men’s rooms have been the victim of unsanitary attacks by the most immature among us. The urinal – once a classic symbol of male authority – has now been desecrated by these heathens who quite literally soil its name by attempting to step up to one of these facilities and make use without truly understanding the rights and responsibilities of using a men’s room urinal…” “It’s because of this injustice,” Republican Senator Tom Lee continued, “that we’re proposing the great State of Florida to adopt age restrictions for access to the urinals in men’s rooms from coast to coast.” “Under our proposal, young men under the age of [...]

The post Florida Lawmakers Propose New Restrictions to Men’s Room Urinal Access appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
TALLAHASSEE (Just Laugh) – Amid tense discussions around the possibility of gun control legislation in response to the recent mass shooting that left 17 dead at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, state lawmakers are surprising constituents with legislation that, while they admit is far from the gun control debate, is nonetheless a bipartisan issue that both sides can rally around to show that Florida’s legislature is fully capable of addressing serious issues despite recent tragedy.

“For far too long,” State Senator and Republican Majority Leader Wilton Simpson explained, “our men’s rooms have been the victim of unsanitary attacks by the most immature among us. The urinal – once a classic symbol of male authority – has now been desecrated by these heathens who quite literally soil its name by attempting to step up to one of these facilities and make use without truly understanding the rights and responsibilities of using a men’s room urinal…”

“It’s because of this injustice,” Republican Senator Tom Lee continued, “that we’re proposing the great State of Florida to adopt age restrictions for access to the urinals in men’s rooms from coast to coast.”

“Under our proposal, young men under the age of 21 will no longer be allowed use of these facilities until such a time that they’ve been able to be safely and properly trained on their use. An exception will be made for anyone over the age of 18 who is actively enrolled in our armed forces.”

“In addition to these new age laws,” explained Republican Senator Dennis Baxley, “we’re also discussing a number of other options to improve the overall safety in our men’s rooms, including mandatory retraining classes, liability flood insurance, and possibly staging armed veteran urinators at men’s rooms across the state to validate compliance.”

“We want to send a very clear message to any young man who pisses all over the walls of our men’s rooms when he clearly needs to be sitting down until he learns to control himself,” reiterated Senator Simpson. “Don’t piss us off, boys, or we’ll knock you in the nuts so hard you’ll be sittin’ down to pee for the rest of your goddamned life.”

The post Florida Lawmakers Propose New Restrictions to Men’s Room Urinal Access appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
Welcome to Davison County Public Schools Sponsored by ArmaLite! http://www.justlaugh.com/features/2018/welcome-davison-county-public-schools-sponsored-armalite/ Thu, 22 Feb 2018 17:00:36 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5506 Congratulations for accepting your new position as a Free Range Faculty Member at Eugene Stoner Junior High School, where we’re proud of our B+ rating with the State Board of Education and even more proud of being named a 5-Star Locked and Loaded Campus by the National Rifle Association! Here at ESJHS, we pride ourselves in the level of dedication that our teachers make to the safety and education of our students, and we’re looking forward to a crisis-free school year that will allow the majority of our staff to sleep at night unmedicated. A bit of formal business… We’re excited to announce a new AR-15: Shoot, Educate, Survive weapons package from our defense partners at ArmaLite that includes a lightweight and classroom ready, semi-automatic rifle, premium leather sport strap embroidered with our school logo, and limited edition polishing kit for only $1,199. Orders placed in the next two weeks will also receive a free 8″ carbon steel hunting knife – perfect for hand-to-hand combat! Payroll deduct forms are available in the teacher’s lounge. Please take some time to familiarize yourself with the new defense protocols which have been installed in your classroom over the summer. We’re happy that last year’s PTA was able [...]

The post Welcome to Davison County Public Schools Sponsored by ArmaLite! appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
Congratulations for accepting your new position as a Free Range Faculty Member at Eugene Stoner Junior High School, where we’re proud of our B+ rating with the State Board of Education and even more proud of being named a 5-Star Locked and Loaded Campus by the National Rifle Association!

Here at ESJHS, we pride ourselves in the level of dedication that our teachers make to the safety and education of our students, and we’re looking forward to a crisis-free school year that will allow the majority of our staff to sleep at night unmedicated.

A bit of formal business…

  • We’re excited to announce a new AR-15: Shoot, Educate, Survive weapons package from our defense partners at ArmaLite that includes a lightweight and classroom ready, semi-automatic rifle, premium leather sport strap embroidered with our school logo, and limited edition polishing kit for only $1,199. Orders placed in the next two weeks will also receive a free 8″ carbon steel hunting knife – perfect for hand-to-hand combat! Payroll deduct forms are available in the teacher’s lounge.
  • Please take some time to familiarize yourself with the new defense protocols which have been installed in your classroom over the summer. We’re happy that last year’s PTA was able to raise enough funds to add laser tripwires to all of our halls which will trigger a high-pitched alert in classrooms at the slightest disruption. Additionally, in the event of an interior breach, your desk can be converted into a sniper’s nest in 15 easy steps – Mr. Stephens has posted a walkthrough video on LearnNet that you’ll want to watch!
  • ESJHS is pleased to announce that Ashley Hall and Riley Davis are our latest Faculty Sharpshooters, having completed the prerequisite 300 hours of training and intrusion drills over their summer break. Way to duck and cover, girls!
  • A newsletter will be going out to parents to announce the new grenade bar that has been added to the cafeteria lunch line where students will be able to choose from a selection of explosive charges in popular colors. These are going to be a big hit for helping to keep our playground perimeter secure, so as we say each morning here at ESJHS – “Be ready for anything!”
  • And finally, as you are well aware, our supplies have once again run critically low, so please be sure to remind students that the priority items on their school supply list continue to be the recommended 4 boxes of Remington .223 steel case ammunition (20 count) – both Short Range and Distance Plus varieties are needed.
    • Note: Tissues, #2 pencils, copy paper, and sympathy cards may be purchased in bulk with your own funds from the nearby Super Target, however please remember that these items will no longer be tax deductible in 2018.

Don’t forget…

  • Teachers In-Service Days this year will be focused around battlefield tactics and small arms management, so put away those study guides and wear comfortable shoes as we’re going to be transforming our school into some really creative active shooter scenarios that will leave you having night sweats and career regrets the rest of your 4-day week!

Have a great year, teachers – shoot to learn!

 – Principal Gary J. “Machine Gun” Meyers

The post Welcome to Davison County Public Schools Sponsored by ArmaLite! appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
Just Laugh’s Guide to Making Excuses for Talking About Gun Control http://www.justlaugh.com/features/2018/just-laughs-guide-making-excuses-talking-gun-control/ Mon, 19 Feb 2018 19:00:37 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5488 Everyone knows that despite being weapons specifically designed for efficient killing by exerting lethal force on a piercing chunk of lead at speeds of up to 1,000 meters per second, guns don’t kill people … people with guns kill people! While some liberal fascists within our society will be quick to blame access to this advanced weaponry whenever they’re used to kill people in staggering numbers around our nation on a way too regular basis, it’s of the utmost importance for the freedom of our masculinity that we deter any discussion around making efforts to restrict access to these beautiful killing machines, with their precision targeting and ability to stave off tyranny, when the man threatens to tear them away from our warm, fleshy hands. Here are some tips to help turn the discussion about gun control back where it really belongs… Cite the 2nd Amendment early and often. Well, not the part about the whole “well-regulated militia” … try to skip over that if at all possible. Adamantly suggest that mental health is clearly the real culprit here, as a guy taking anti-depressants obviously poses more of a threat to society than someone hoarding a cache of weapons large enough to arm a entire militia just in case. [...]

The post Just Laugh’s Guide to Making Excuses for Talking About Gun Control appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
Everyone knows that despite being weapons specifically designed for efficient killing by exerting lethal force on a piercing chunk of lead at speeds of up to 1,000 meters per second, guns don’t kill people … people with guns kill people!

While some liberal fascists within our society will be quick to blame access to this advanced weaponry whenever they’re used to kill people in staggering numbers around our nation on a way too regular basis, it’s of the utmost importance for the freedom of our masculinity that we deter any discussion around making efforts to restrict access to these beautiful killing machines, with their precision targeting and ability to stave off tyranny, when the man threatens to tear them away from our warm, fleshy hands.

Here are some tips to help turn the discussion about gun control back where it really belongs…

  • Cite the 2nd Amendment early and often. Well, not the part about the whole “well-regulated militia” … try to skip over that if at all possible.
  • Adamantly suggest that mental health is clearly the real culprit here, as a guy taking anti-depressants obviously poses more of a threat to society than someone hoarding a cache of weapons large enough to arm a entire militia just in case.
  • Seize any opportunity to correct people about semantics, such as the fact that the “AR” in AR-15 actually stands for Armalite – the maker of the rifle and not assault rifle. There’s no better way to honor the dead than by maintaining a smugly superior knowledge about the weapon that was used to kill them.
  • Reminders that only good guys follow the law anyways are a great way to drive home the fact that it’d be really awesome to live in the Wild Wild West where you could shoot a man in the street if he accidentally took a sip out of your sarsaparilla.
  • Don’t let liberals bully you into thinking that arming kindergarten teachers isn’t a perfectly viable opportunity for gun manufacturers in the United States to surge their back to school sales revenues.
  • Violence in video games is always an easy option to deflect attention away from gun control. Remember that power pellet epidemic we saw back in the 1980s when Pac-Man was first released in arcades across the country???
  • Don’t think of mass shooting survivors as innocent children who’ve just endured a horrific tragedy as much as future Democratic voters who’ll no doubt be after your guns, too … especially because it’s basically your fault that legislation hasn’t already been passed that could’ve very well saved their classmates’ lives.
  • And if all else fails, simply remind your debate partner that Sarah Palin herself says that our guns are the only thing that protect us from tyranny – which is a perfectly normal thing for someone who has served as the heads of both local and state government, and then ran for a position second in command of the federal government to say.

The post Just Laugh’s Guide to Making Excuses for Talking About Gun Control appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
Even More Things That Millennials are Killing… http://www.justlaugh.com/features/2017/even-things-millennials-killing/ Sat, 20 May 2017 22:00:06 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5478 Adjustable Rate Mortgages 2-for-1 Happy Hour, only at Applebee’s Complaining About Long Lines at the Post Office The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour America’s Shameful Divorce Rate Sunflowers Drive-In Movies Blackberries (the fruit and the mobile device) Going to Bed By 9:30pm on a Friday Night Calling Your Parents Every Once in a While Remembering Bill Cosby for His Jell-O Commercials and Not, Well, You Know… Virginia Being for Lovers The Future of the Republican Party Squeezing in One Last Family Road Trip Before Summer’s Over My High Score in Gallaga

The post Even More Things That Millennials are Killing… appeared first on Just Laugh.

]]>
  • Adjustable Rate Mortgages
  • 2-for-1 Happy Hour, only at Applebee’s
  • Complaining About Long Lines at the Post Office
  • The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour
  • America’s Shameful Divorce Rate
  • Sunflowers
  • Drive-In Movies
  • Blackberries (the fruit and the mobile device)
  • Going to Bed By 9:30pm on a Friday Night
  • Calling Your Parents Every Once in a While
  • Remembering Bill Cosby for His Jell-O Commercials and Not, Well, You Know…
  • Virginia Being for Lovers
  • The Future of the Republican Party
  • Squeezing in One Last Family Road Trip Before Summer’s Over
  • My High Score in Gallaga
  • The post Even More Things That Millennials are Killing… appeared first on Just Laugh.

    ]]>
    Just Laugh’s Guide to Political Avalanches http://www.justlaugh.com/features/2017/just-laughs-guide-political-avalanches/ Wed, 10 May 2017 21:00:22 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=5467 There comes a time in every president’s term when he must ask himself – am I going to finally concede to my nepotism, my corruption, and my collusion with the Russian government that got me elected in the first place, or am I going to go out flailing and tweeting my inane bullshit until they finally drag me back to my golden tower in Manhattan that I probably should have never left in the first place??? As certain events have hinted that an avalanche of sorts may be rapidly barreling down the mountain, we’ve assembled a list of helpful tips to guide the rest of American “through this disaster” on to the light at the end of the shit storm that Donald Trump’s short-lived political career has been… DO make sure to take some time in advance to stretch your gloating muscles because it’s been a long three and a half months of … whatever the hell this was. DON’T start popping your popcorn just yet, as politicians have a way of drawing things out ad nauseam and nobody likes eating stale popcorn. DO be prepared to endure lots of waffling, and not the good kind of waffling that comes with copious amounts of syrup. DON’T forget to tip your [...]

    The post Just Laugh’s Guide to Political Avalanches appeared first on Just Laugh.

    ]]>
    There comes a time in every president’s term when he must ask himself – am I going to finally concede to my nepotism, my corruption, and my collusion with the Russian government that got me elected in the first place, or am I going to go out flailing and tweeting my inane bullshit until they finally drag me back to my golden tower in Manhattan that I probably should have never left in the first place???

    As certain events have hinted that an avalanche of sorts may be rapidly barreling down the mountain, we’ve assembled a list of helpful tips to guide the rest of American “through this disaster” on to the light at the end of the shit storm that Donald Trump’s short-lived political career has been…

    • DO make sure to take some time in advance to stretch your gloating muscles because it’s been a long three and a half months of … whatever the hell this was.
    • DON’T start popping your popcorn just yet, as politicians have a way of drawing things out ad nauseam and nobody likes eating stale popcorn.
    • DO be prepared to endure lots of waffling, and not the good kind of waffling that comes with copious amounts of syrup.
    • DON’T forget to tip your waitress at Waffle House – she works hard for her money and tipping represents a significant portion of her income.
    • DO try to avoid standing directly underneath the avalanche, as the deluge of Trump byproducts is likely to make quite the mess on its way down.
    • DON’T be surprised if the USA doesn’t get a Christmas card from Russia this year.
    • DO keep in mind that of everyone who will be affected by Donald Trump’s inevitable fall back to earth, your Republican uncle will likely take it the hardest of all, so be sure to show his feelings the same level of compassion and sympathy that he’s shown your cuck snowflake libtard ass since Trump was elected back in November.
    • DON’T be sad – America will soon be able to look at itself in the mirror once again.

    The post Just Laugh’s Guide to Political Avalanches appeared first on Just Laugh.

    ]]>