Driving Miss Crazy
If I have to see another ‘Special News Report’, I am going to heave. I know that we need to know what is going on in the world. At least, I know that I am supposed to want to know what is going on in the world but, quite frankly, I’m tired of everything that is going on in the world right now. I’m tired of all the bad news! For once, can’t President Bush come on the television and say, “You know, folks, things have been so rotten lately that we’re going to give you, the people, a national day of fun to help restore a sense of positive living in our nation. This Friday, we’re giving everybody a paid holiday and everyone will celebrate life with a big party funded by the government’s money.”
Yeah, I know I’m pipe dreaming (without the pipe). Isn’t there some type of statistic that reads you cannot have so many bad things happen without a good thing popping up? Where’s the good thing, dammit?
Personally, on top of our world crisis, I have, as you know, battled pneumonia and am currently getting ready for the winter heating bills, which were horrid last year because of the deadly ice storm we experienced and the weeks upon weeks of sub-zero degree temperatures. I live in the south. Don’t ask me why this happened. On top of this, Christmas is coming up and I haven’t even begun to budget for it plus my daughter will turn thirteen in a couple of months.
Dammit, man, where is justice?
I remember a day when a nice cup of hot chocolate could help me see things in a better light. This year, the chocolate may need spiking. I remember a time when a nice drive in the country would have put me in a calm state of mind. Currently, the gas prices are outrageous.
OK, my energy level is back and I am feeling better than I was. But I still haven’t recovered my senses of taste, smell and touch. I walk around feeling numb and everything tastes like chalk. However, my husband’s gas attacks don’t affect me anymore so there is some small reward for all of this suffering. Still, he has to tell me when sex is over so I’m definitely running at a loss here.
I just want everything to be normal again. Is that so wrong? I want the terrorist thing to go away. I want bin laden to quit ‘been lording’ over everything. I want to laugh at our President again because it’s normal to do so! I want to plan an imaginary trip in my head to anywhere and not have thoughts of dying come to mind. I want to watch ‘Survivor’ and enjoy it again, instead of getting depressed by the title of the show. Except for that blood-drinking segment. YUCK and I’ll watch ‘Friends’ instead, thank you!
Since we’re on the subject, what is the deal with CNN interviewing bin laden? We have military troops, thousands of them, looking for this man but CNN can land an interview deal with him? What is THAT all about?
Why can’t I be like my dog? Every day people are given bad news but my dog wakes up happy every morning. She jumps on the bed, wags her tail and hopes to get a treat. OK, so I really don’t want to have to wag my tail to get a treat but you know what I’m talking about. As a matter of fact, if I waved any part of my cellulite body in the air, I would be hard pressed to gain anything close to a treat. My dog would howl and my cat would go into one of her catnip freak shows from cruel exposure. My husband’s response? “Kim, I think you’re still sick. You need to get in bed and cover up quickly!”
How do we uncomplicate the questions of the mind? A lobotomy, perhaps? Or, should we press the off button on the remote control and just say no? The latter may work wonders. Either that or stick with cable channels.
“No, I didn’t see the news last night but I caught a great rerun of ‘Charles In Charge’.”
All this angst and strife may be good for my career, though. In the words of my publisher, “Good stuff! The sicker you get, the better you write!”
How’s that for psychiatric irony?
