Problematic Apartments Give Landlords a Bad Name
Ever since I moved into my new apartment last August, I’ve had, let’s say, my share of incidents involving my landlord. Now I’m not saying my landlord wrongs me on purpose, but the fact that the inner trim on my front door has yet to be installed, and my new door was installed last July, leads me to wonder what I have to do to get results.
This is not the only “so-called” problem I have had to deal with. When I first moved in, my refrigerator did not work. So the first day in my new home, I had to eat scrambled, fried, or hard-boiled eggs until they were gone. Let me now say, I could care less which came first, the chicken or the egg. Actually, I’m still curious about this age-old question. So if you know, please tell me.
This problem was fixed the next day when a brand new refrigerator came. Unfortunately, the booze I had was now warm and could have easily been substituted for urine.
The second problem I had to deal with was with my oven. Of course my burners worked (remember, the eggs), but who actually checks appliances in a new home until they’re needed? I still don’t know if my smoke alarms work (Note: I say alarms, plural, which you will see why in a minute). My oven did not fire up, with me finally realizing this notion when I threw in a frozen pizza, and four hours later it was still frozen. This event occurred after about a month of residing here. Now, if I knew how to cook in the first place, or even if I hadn’t forgotten that a frozen pizza was in there, I would have stumbled across this problem sooner.
After about two months of living in my Asian Lady Beetle infested home (another problem), a pipe in my bathroom broke during the early hours of the morning. When I woke up the next morning I found myself in knee deep of water. For a second, I thought I urinated outside the toilet rim, which is easy to do if you’re male. But I soon realized it was rainwater, because urine
has a much richer aftertaste. After I gargled the now identifiable rainwater, I called my landlord.
My landlord arrived with this trusty machine that sucked the water up like a hooker with a money happy pimp who was to arrive in five minutes. I also believe my landlord was unhappy about the sign I placed in the water’s deepest part that read, ‘No Dumping.’
Within a matter of hours, so it seemed, the water subsided to a level in which the carpet looked like my childhood dog after a bath. The only difference was that my dog had a much nicer aroma.
Another incident involving my landlord was when my heat went down. The heater is also responsible for my hot water. Well one day, as I said, I woke up to find my heat out. I had no idea it affected my hot water. That was until I jumped in the shower that morning. When I jumped in, there was only one word to say. “Ahhhhhh!”…..because there was a huge spider in there and it freaked me out. Then, I turned on the water. The temperature of the water was so cold I had to jump up on the ledge of the tub like I was a surfer trying to avoid a monstrous wave.
Now, when this happened, I remembered what my mother used to do when we (my brothers and I) were little. She would boil water and throw it in the tub. So this is what I did.
So what I have noticed is my landlord is very prompt when it comes to issues that directly affect the living conditions, such as the oven, flood, heat, and refrigerator.
But when it comes to minor repairs, like the one I mentioned earlier involving my door less trim, my landlord disappears faster than wrinkles on Cher’s face. I’m not sure if he means to fix it and forgets it, or that he has other projects to complete.
After mentioning this door less trim eyesore to him for the fourth time, he finally informs me that the wood has arrived and all he has to do is carve it to fit my doorframe. Finally, results.
I let him know that I’ll be out of town for approximately three and a half weeks, giving him more time to complete this project.
When I arrive home after almost four weeks, the trim is still bare. But instead, my landlord installs a second smoke alarm for me (which I indicated earlier).
I tell him that I’m appreciative for the extra (white) smoke alarm in my small, one bedroom apartment and tell him that it highlights my already white walls. I believe he wants me to wake up in a frenzy to a duet of screeching beeps rather than just a solo. After the compliment, I slip in my dissatisfaction of the trim not being completed. Also, I must add, since my time away,
my kitchen faucet developed a nasty leak, which drips to the sink, leaving me wondering if I somehow fell into a Poe story.
He informs me that both of them will be taken care of within a month, which excites me. However, I don’t have enough time to enjoy this moment because I have to go out of town again.
When I returned home after two weeks, I was hoping to see new trim around my door and a dry sink bottom. In its place, I saw no trim, and my faucet still had a leak. And instead, he installed another vent in my bedroom. So, what I have figured out is when I need a repair, instead of fixing the problem, he adds something to my apartment.
I swear, by the time I move out, I’ll have no trim, my faucet will still leak, and I’ll have a freaking condo in my backyard.
