The Art of Being a Woman
Being a southern woman doesn’t keep you from the evolution of life as a liberal woman. When I was a kid, I used to think that southern women wore petticoats and bonnets, drank tea with an extended pinky finger and baked pies for Sunday church get-togethers. I didn’t realize, at the time, I was a southern girl who would one day grow to be a southern woman. I also didn’t realize the preceding description was far from the truth and greatness of who and what a woman – southern or not – really is.
During the eighties, I recall the whole ERA movement. What perplexed me, however, was I did not feel I was being infringed upon. I have never felt that way. Oh, I used a few ‘sayins’ in my day, trying to create a short cut to a place (raise in pay) that doesn’t allow such nonsense but I never once believed I wasn’t equal to anyone anywhere. And I always believed if I did a good job, I would be paid well for it but it was up to me to make it happen. As far as the whole ‘equality’ thing goes, we may be a bit different from each other but I like that about people and culture. We get to experience different flavors and ideas that aren’t a part of our everyday life. It’s what makes life fun and interesting, in my opinion. I mean, my Lord, could you imagine life with only one ice cream flavor? Now that would be hell!
However, it seems I did get sucked into the notion, even though I knew otherwise, that being a woman meant not being ‘as good’. Plunging myself into a broadcasting career in my early twenties, I set out to make myself equal to a man and perhaps better. I would have a good paying job in a career I would excel in, be able to create a wonderful home for my family, cook outstanding meals, raise perfect children and be – in my mind – the idea of a powerful, glorious woman. Where in the world was my head and who in their right mind wants to do all of that stuff? Oh, it’s a good idea if your heart’s in the right place but I was all about ‘proving’ something to some unseen entity, which does nothing but exhaust a soul and starve a family. Plus, the idea was all about me, me, me and was more of a fantasy than reality. It’s funny about fantasies. In truth, they are not nearly as fun as reality.
First off, a job is just that – a job. If you do a good job, you get paid a good salary. It doesn’t matter if you flip burgers or become the President of the United States, if you are thorough you will pace yourself well into a good life. In all of my years of working, I have learned that selfishness, pride and mean-spiritedness has no place in our society. I know this because I used to be this way and it’s just plain stupid and leads to nowhere. It started out innocently enough. A rumor went around that I had ‘the best female voice’ in the state. At first, I was shocked. In reality, I thought I was just a dip shit without an education. But as the years progressed, I began to actually believe this in the most wrong kind of way. I began to take on the attitude of a diva, as if a company was lucky to have me. HA. Another thing I’ve learned in the working world is no matter what you do or how good you are you can always be replaced. This is not a threatening statement – it’s the truth.
I needed to learn how to be irreplaceable as a human being.
I am saying these things as a light in the dark for the younger generation of women coming up: Please, PLEASE do not go down the dark road I am referring to. Recognize your thoughts before they become a runaway train. Don’t send your parents to the doctor’s office for migraine headache medication or your boyfriend to the utter brink of doom.
Be irreplaceable as a human being!
Where does one go to learn this? What education does this require? Who could I look upon to guide me? What sappy movies could I watch that would show me the way? Well, unfortunately, not a dang soul can do it for you. Oh, they point the direction and sometimes, when you are really out of line, they use the middle finger to do it but the changing begins in you and in me. And it’s not so much changing as it is getting rid of the wrong ideas. The art of being a woman requires that we move past the commercialization of what we ‘think’ a great woman is and be the simple creatures we were born into: Rational, logical, kind human beings. It’s not that hard. We just make it hard at times.
Oh, heck, I don’t have all the answers but I do know that we, as Americans, tend to take something simple and make it darn near impossible. I know because I’ve done it! I tried half my life to come off as intelligent only to end up sounding like an idiot. For all my theories and philosophies, only one thing holds true: how true am I? That’s what counts. The rest is a bunch of baloney. Just ask my grandma. She can tell you how full of baloney I’ve actually been.
So, I reckon, the secret to the art of being a woman is there is no art to it. It is the same with a man and with other various cultures and races and everything in life. Pay attention (listen) in class (life), play fair, take care of those who are smaller than you, respect yourself (then respecting others will be easy), share your peanut butter and jelly sandwich and your toys, brush and floss your teeth and don’t drink sodas before you go to bed. If you want a puppy, make sure you take good care of it – same with a baby. If you want a treat, do your chores first. Don’t start a fight but if someone hits you, defend yourself and fight with integrity but don’t give someone a reason to start a fight with you. I did that once when I was a kid and got the tar beat out of me.
Aside from that, here are a few other things to watch out for: Do not eat too much salsa in one sitting, find your own special someone and leave the rest alone, it is OK to drink out of someone else’s glass as long as you love them and don’t pick on a sore – let it heal.
Oh, and above all, be yourself. Except if you are an asshole. If you are an asshole, please patch yourself up and then be yourself.
