Forget About Life Sentences, Let’s Just Do To Criminals As They Do To Victims
If society starts using the eye for an eye method of punishment, I think we will see a decrease in crime. Convicted criminals are always thrown into the slammer for X amount of years, only to serve less than half the sentence and be freed on good behavior. Two things happen here. The first is wasting tax dollars to house this felon. And the second thing is that the convict is free to go at a later date. This tells criminals that it’s okay to commit crimes. Look at Daryl Strawberry for example.
With the eye for an eye method, if a man murders 6 people, then he should be sentenced to death the same way the victims were murdered. For example, say a man has some bizarre love affair with electricity and he rigs up some wooden chair and electrocutes his victims to death (I know what you’re thinking, how convenient to use the electric chair). Anyway, this is how he should be put away. Now obviously the 6 victims can’t take part in this festivity. But the family members of the victims can.
So what should occur is a raffle between the family members of each victim to see which lucky person gets to pull down the lever to the electric chair. But only the family of the deceased can take part in this event, to make things fair. It could be a huge deal, one day with cake and ice cream, fully equipped with party hats and a clown. But not John Wayne Gacy of course.
The convicted man would sit in the electric chair, blind folded so his eyeballs don’t pop out, and wait while the family members play pin the tail on the donkey.
Then after a few hours, the drawing takes place.
“And the lucky member that will put this poor man out of his misery is,” a hush silence fills the air, “Larry, the Uncle of the young college student murdered on his way home from school.” Uncle Larry high fives everybody as he runs up to the chair that is occupied by the murderer. The camera man, invited to this affair, sets up to take photos. Larry, excited by this moment, flashes his whites to the camera, while posing with a finger in the air that states he is number one. He motions for the kids to join him, with nephews and nieces climbing all over the accused. Then, the much anticipated moment arrives.
“Ready,” Uncle Larry yells. “One…two…three,” he screams and pulls down the lever to watch the murderer fry to death. Pictures are taken at a rapid pace, with small, disposable cameras joining in. And at this point, no flashes are really needed.
The entire gala will last a whole day, with the last person to exit the room being the convict, because nobody wants to touch this man that just urinated in his pants. Unless of course, you like the smell and feel of urine. Then, feel free to take home leftovers for the next day.
At home that night, the family members congratulate each other on a successful day, as Uncle Larry frames his winning ticket stub, similar to the ones found at the ski ball machine found inside Chuck E. Cheese. The only difference is, there’s no chance of exchanging the ticket in for a nice, but useless miniature etch-a-sketch key chain that only works a few times before you toss it in the trash.
Then the kids go to bed, exhausted from the day’s events, and dream happy thoughts for the rest of their lives. Well, at least for a couple months. Or until they lose their virginity.
Three days later, when all the photographs are developed, the families’ members gather at the pizza joint in the village and sort through dozens of pictures. Some good and some bad. It doesn’t matter to most, because these people claim they were just happy to be there, like they just came in second for the Best Actor Oscar.
Everyone is very satisfied with the combined efforts, but the one thing that sickens them, is the fact that the man who was electrocuted for murdering 6 people, never smiled once in any of the photographs. But this is okay with the families, because it sure beats a boring lifetime (or 8 years in some counties) in prison.
And if this happens enough times, it will surely catch on internationally. Because why does the United States have to be the only country to enjoy catching a criminal? That way, instead of putting front and side views on ‘Most Wanted’ pictures in post offices, we can put ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures up. This will trigger memories of the victims’ families so they can relish in the moment of the day that gave them closure. All this while they’re waiting to mail a postal package. Because there’s nothing worse than not having any closure, in anything for that matter, especially with 2 liter bottles of pop, because they’ll go flat. And by doing this, criminals would think harder about committing crimes.
But then I think we’ll see criminals committing crimes that they, themselves, wouldn’t mind being caught for, like raping a Supermodel, stealing a Dodge Viper for nothing more than a joy ride, and sniffing women’s lingerie. This way, a criminal could really enjoy his life of crime, instead of accepting a job working third shift at Denny’s.
