Happy HalloWhine!
Wherever you shop for a Halloween costume, you will more than likely always find a princess, a witch, a pumpkin, a ghost and selected portions of Anna Nicole Smith among the selections but what about real costumes for real characters?
We have not valued Halloween as the eye-opening, emotional-draining experience it should be. We have hidden behind fantasies, painted ourselves as clowns, and sent our children out with brooms in hand without them having ever known how to actually use one correctly.
Want to have fun this Halloween yet keep it real? Make a PMS costume! Oh, you wouldn’t have to really do much. Just get into some slippers, bang on each door very hard and scream for someone to give your kids something RIGHT NOW!
How about a ‘whiners’ costume? Same concept! Just throw on a white sheet with pictures of cheese stapled on it, knock on your neighbors’ doors, use your normal ‘whiners’ voice and I promise you, the neighbors will shove stuff into your kids’ bags just to get rid of you.
Do you have an opinion on everything? Heck, you don’t have to do anything! Throw on something red, grab the kids and march throughout the neighborhood. Being as you will be directing not only your children but also everyone else’s children on where to walk, where not to walk and what to say and what not to say, you won’t even have to knock. Folks will leave your treats on the front porch. Lucky you!
Do you not have any children living in your home? Are you over the age of fifty? Are you the kind of person who says, “Morning,” without using the word ‘good’ first and snorts when someone greets you as you pass by? You may not fair well in the treat-receiving department but, by golly, you’re off to having a grand reputation for being the ogre who lives in the haunted house down the road! Now, I’m sure this is a fun and enjoyable way to scare all of the children in the neighborhood, watch them shine flashlights into your windows and listen as they ring the doorbell then run like the wind. However, if it is candy you are after, your only shot is running out of the house, screaming at the top of your lungs and behaving like a complete maniac when the kiddies sneak around your home, thus scaring them so much that they drop their goodie bags in your front yard.
OK, so I do this when I am experiencing a PMS day. So what if I’m a little moody? I make darn sure children aren’t around and doubly sure my husband is there. There’s nothing like a husband having to endure his wife losing her mind through the madness of her mouth. How else are they going to learn tolerance?
How about going as a ‘Survivor’ contestant? You need to begin to prepare for this right now. I know we are still six weeks away from Halloween but there are things you should do. Stop bathing, for one. See, this not only insures that you truly look and smell the part but bugs will start to nest in your hair and other severe parts of your body, thus creating a true ‘Cast Away’ effect. Do not eat anything you enjoy and only drink water. This way, you’ll have that drawn-in look on your face and not necessarily from losing weight but basically because you’ll be in a bad mood from not eating cheese dip and chocolate for over a month.
Actually, this could truly be the way to go. Not only will your neighbors give treats to your children on Halloween, you will probably notice bags of groceries and clothes on your doorstep for several weeks afterwards. As a matter of fact, if you play it up really well, you may set yourself up for a fantastic Thanksgiving and Christmas season.
However you partake in Halloween, be it with plans in your neighborhood, your local church or with friends and family, be creative this year! It doesn’t take a lot of money to come up with a great, new idea. And who knows, you could come up with the next moneymaking trend.
After all, Halloween isn’t Bill Gates’ area!
