Humor Blog Highlights

15 Weeks Down…

Can you believe it’s been almost a month and a half since I wrote you guys last? What can I say, island life can get a little crazy out here and sometimes we all just sorta lose track of time. A lot has happened here in the world of Humor Columnist Survivor over the last six weeks – four or five more people were voted out of the office, of which the math is still confusing me a bit…6 weeks, one voting period per week, 5 survivors left? Then again, Greg is a writer – no one ever accused him of being any good at math…

So anyways, I thought I’d take a minute and roughly 800 words here to describe all of the neat and interesting things that have been happening around this place lately…but after some careful outlining, I noticed that it would be much easier to just vent and talk about all of the crap that these people have been doing to drive me crazy instead! I know, I started off saying that I’d try my best to keep cool and be the nice guy throughout the game, but I figure that since I’ve already made it this far, I’m owed a little time to vent!

First of all, and maybe some of you voters out there have already realized this – what happened to all of the chicks in this game?!?!? It wasn’t made easy for us guys in the beginning anyways, with a 2:1 ratio coming into the office, but now there are TWO of them and FIVE of us, and even that’s being lenient – I haven’t seen Layton around this place for ages, yet she’s still alive and kicking with the voters…maybe she’s locked herself in the bathroom again or something. Granted, other than in the executive steam room, there really aren’t many places around here for us to ogle their bosoms with authority gasp in awe at their breathtaking beauty, charm and everlasting grace, but come on – throw us a bone already…

I’ve also got an issue with some missing office supplies, which I know I can’ttechnically hold anybody accountable for because I stole them first, but it’s still rough when you’d like to jot down a funny idea and you can’t seem to find your lucky pen anywhere! Just between you and me, though, I’m starting to wonder if there might be vermin of some sort running around this place…it would explain how Greg was able to rent the entire building for months on end…and what’s been happening to our leftovers from dinner that somehow don’t happen to beleftover the next morning – maybe we’ll have to let Gertie off the hook on that one after all! Wait, what was that?!?!? Did you see that? Either somebody’s grown a tail, or we’ve got a bigger problem here than we thought…

And then there’s the fax machine… Now it would be one thing if someone were to jam the fax machine, as this has undoubtedly happened to the best of us, but we’re not lucky enough for something like that to have happened. No, I seem to be stuck in an office with somebody who has managed to lose the fax machine – yeah, that big, bulky, seconds as a printer/copier/industrial-size-paperweight/doorstop/anything-else-that-you-might-need-something-that-friggin’-huge-for thing. I like to consider myself a guy that’s fairly easy to get along with, but when I can’t fax nude-y pictures to my buddies or get my latest inspiration from the Soufflé of the Month Club, I become a less-than-happy islander if you catch my drift! I mean, go ahead and lose the stapler or the three-hole punch or even the Evian guy – I’ll somehow manage to get by, but now we’re treading on thin ice, baby…

I suppose, though, despite all of the hardships that we’re having to endure on a daily basis, I think I could still manage to stick around to be the winner of this thing, if that’s ok with all of you! Erik and I have switched sports and now have a wicked tournament of paper football going on – the loser has to write the winner’s columns for a month, so that oughta be interesting…I sometimes can’t even get my own done on time, let alone somebody else’s. Even that’s getting a little fishy, though, as I think that somehow steroids were involved in his latest victory…alliance my ass!

So to end today’s report, for the most part, all is still well on the island. Apparently nobody ever told the caterers that our numbers have decreased from 19 down to 7, but I’m certainly not complaining…you can never have too many barbecued shrimp…

Until next time, keep your stick on the ice and my name off your ballots! Good day.

About Scott Sevener (580 Posts since 2001)
The Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Just Laugh, Scott writes about the random things in life that amuse him - from the miracle of childbirth to the bologna sandwich he just ate for breakfast. He currently resides in Tampa, FL with a girl, a baby, and a dog that never shuts the hell up.