Humor Blog Highlights

Maybe Herpes is the Way to Go

So I’m watching a commercial for genital warts medicine. I love these commercials because they’re sooooo realistic (notice the sarcasm in my font).

In one of the ads, there’s a man and woman walking down the street. While they’re walking, the woman moves away from the man and looks into the camera and whispers something to the effect of, “He doesn’t know I have genital warts. Thanks Valtrex.” She then rejoins the man. He smiles, and together, they walk away happy.

I have a question. I’ve seen this commercial a few times and I’m wondering if the man’s response is a typical reaction. I say this because if it was me (or any other man on the planet), the scenario would be much different, something like this:

“He doesn’t know I have genital warts. Thanks Valtrex,” she would whisper.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to listen in on people’s conversations but, did you just say that you have genital warts?” I would ask. “I’m just saying that it would have been nice to know before I shelled out $100.00 on dinner. You sure ate a lot tonight, didn’t you?” I would continue.

The other commercial for genital warts portrays people kayaking, surfing, and horseback riding 24 hours a day. The message the drug company is sending is: “Sure you have genital warts. But with this medicine (Valtrex), you can still live a normal life, which incidentally consists of kayaking all the time, surfing, and horseback riding 24 hours a day.” (Again, notice the sarcasm.)

As I’m watching this advertisement, all I’m thinking is, “Is this really a normal life? I don’t have genital warts and I don’t do any of those activities.”

It’s gets me wondering.

“Maybe genital warts is the way to go.”

I call my friends up and ask them if they want to go out and get herpes. As you can imagine, the response is, “Herpes? Why do you want to get herpes?”

“Haven’t you seen the commercials? With herpes, we can go kayaking, surfing, and horseback riding 24 hours a day,” I scream.

“Well, I guess we don’t do any of those activities. I’m convinced, let’s get herpes.”

And then we would all contract the disease, which I believe is one of the reasons why herpes is contracted by nearly 500,000 people each year, according to the official Valtrex website.

Leave it up to the drug companies to sugar coat the matter.

If they really want to make an impact and reduce contractions, why not have a commercial with a man being rejected by a woman when asking her out on a date because he has cold sores around his body? If this was to happen, then, maybe the cases of herpes contraction would reduce.

Of course, the drug companies don’t make money unless people get herpes. Kudos to you, corporate America.

About Jason Tanamor (44 Posts from 2001 - 2003)
The writings of Jason Tanamor display obvious influence from many very different stylings, all the way from the wackiness and off-the-wall concepts of Dave Barry to the detailed analysis of a young and hip Jerry Seinfeld.