I'm an optimist, a relentless, incorrigible optimist.  If I were married to LaToya Jackson, I'd say, "Well, at least I'm not married to Tonya Harding."  If I were married to Tonya Harding, I'd say, "Well, at least I'm not married to Monica Lewinsky."  If I were married to Monica Lewinsky, I'd say, "Well, at least I'm not dead."

Yes, I have a very positive outlook on life.  Sometimes I just look in the mirror and smile, for I know that although I'm not half as handsome as Tom Cruise, I'm twice as handsome as Osama bin Laden.  Life is good!

Optimism keeps my spirits up, even when things aren't going my way.  Tomorrow will be better, I tell myself.  My book will be published tomorrow; my dream job will open tomorrow; my bald spot will disappear tomorrow.

Perhaps I'm lying to myself, but I'd rather do a little bit of lying than a lot of crying.

The benefits of optimism cannot be overstated, even by an optimist.  Not only can optimism make you more successful, it can make you healthier.  For example, a new study indicates
that optimists are far less likely to develop heart disease than pessimists.  Only through ardent optimism has Dick Cheney managed to limit his heart attacks to one per month.

If pessimism were sold in stores, it would come with a Surgeon General's warning.  "This product could contribute to heart disease, which would cause the user of this product, lacking all optimism, to make an appointment at the nearest funeral home."

Optimists are generally happier than pessimists.  A pessimistic sports hero would say, "Five cars.  I can't believe I have only five cars."  An optimistic military hero would say, "Five scars.  I can't believe I have only five scars."

Optimists tend to be more successful than pessimists, because they don't let failures get them down.  They keep trying until they achieve their goals or qualify for retirement.

Of course, being overoptimistic can be disastrous.  An overoptimistic driver may neglect to wear a safety belt, an overoptimistic presidential candidate may forget to campaign in his home state, and an overoptimistic mother may rely on her husband to keep an eye on the baby during the football game. "Honey, the good news is my team won.  The bad news is I sat on the baby.  Does our insurance plan cover cosmetic surgery?"

Some folks say they're neither optimists nor pessimists.  They call themselves realists.  But what exactly is reality?  Was it realistic for Nelson Mandela, serving 27 years in a South African prison, to imagine himself as president?  No, not without making several calls to the Psychic Friends Network.

Here are three scenarios to illustrate the importance of optimism:

SCENARIO ONE: Your wife has just left you for another man.
Realist: "It's the end of my marriage."
Pessimist: "It's the end of my life."
Optimist: "It's the end of my credit card bills."

SCENARIO TWO: You receive a piece of mail containing a white powder.
Realist: "It could be anthrax. I'd better call the police."
Pessimist: "Oh no! I'm going to die in two days."
Optimist: "I'm going to be on CNN! I'm going to be on CNN!"

SCENARIO THREE: After an accident, you lose your sense of hearing.
Realist: "I may never hear again."
Pessimist: "I may never communicate again."
Optimist: "I may never listen to Britney Spears again."

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