Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Solstice or some other occasion, you probably give gifts to your family, friends, and that special co-worker whose name you picked out of a hat.

You spend hours searching for just the right gift: an alarm clock with a built-in radio, television and coffeemaker; a remote-control vacuum cleaner; a weighing machine that's smart enough to ignore the first 40 pounds.

You endure untold hardships -- crammed parking lots, crowded stores, long lines -- just to show your loved ones that you care enough to buy them the very best of whatever's on sale.

You're in the spirit of giving -- and I don't want to discourage you.  It's better to give than to receive.  Just ask any boxer.

Besides, the economy needs you.  If you don't spend your money, five million workers may lose their jobs -- and that's just in Thailand.  Imagine the impact on China!

So buy lots of gifts, as many as you can afford.  But don't buy them for your friends and family, especially if they're well-off.  Whatever you buy, they don't need.  Whatever they need, you can't afford.

Don't give Imelda another pair of shoes.  Don't give Whitney another wig.  Don't give Fidel another beard-trimmer.

Try buying gifts for people who could really use your generosity: The homeless man who needs a blanket, the destitute woman who needs a heater, the poor child who needs a book bag -- and a few Harry Potter books.

How do you find such people?  Simple.  Just look around.  Unless you live in Beverly Hills, you'll probably see many people who could use a helping hand, people who will remember your kindness for months, perhaps years.  Some may even name their firstborn after you.  But please don't make any demands.  It's just not proper.  So I've been told.

If you must buy gifts for your friends and family, buy them something small, something that will surprise them and also be useful to them, such as a roll of toilet paper.

If that seems insufficient, write a poem on it or something.  "This paper is as soft as your heart; I bought it on sale at Wal-Mart.  It's a gift you won't soon forget; as long as you visit the toilet."

A little poetry can go a long way  -- especially with modern plumbing.

Think of the benefits of this strategy:

• You won't have to spend hours in the shopping mall, racking your brain over what to buy for the person who already has too much. "She has fifty pairs of underwear.  Maybe I should buy her an underwear organizer."
• You won't be forcing your friends to lie when they unwrap your gifts.  "Wow!  An underwear organizer!  I've always wanted one of these.  Ever since I got my first pair of underwear."
• You probably won't get any gifts in return, so you won't have to organize a yard sale next summer.

Wisecracking neighbor: "If you can't smell it, you can't sell it."

You: "If you don't beat it, I'll make you eat it."

Best of all, you'll feel good about helping the needy, instead of the greedy.  Who knows, it could be the best feeling you've had all year.

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