It's easier than ever for Egyptians to support the Palestinian cause. All they have to do is buy a bag of Yasser Arafat potato chips, which feature a picture of the Palestinian leader saluting and waving his nation's flag. It's the most appetizing thing to happen to potato chips since MSG.

"What a great idea," an Egyptian woman said. "Now we can honor Arafat every time we eat. I don't care what my husband says, I'm having Arafat for breakfast."

"What a disappointment," an Israeli woman said. "Arafat's on the bag -- not in the bag."

For every 50 bags sold, 25 piasters (five cents) will be donated to the Palestinian cause. When told how much money would be raised, an excited Arafat said, "That's dynamite!"

The cheese-flavored chips are named Abu Ammar, Arafat's pseudonym, and are extremely popular in Egypt, according to the Associated Press. One burly man bought 100 bags, saying, "These chips help me support my two favorite movements: the Palestinian movement and the bowel movement."

Of course, not every Egyptian is pro-Palestine and anti-Israel. "I want to support both sides," a young man said. "So I'm buying lots of potato chips and sending them to people in Israel."

The potato chips' label, in accordance with rules of the Egyptian Food & Drug Administration (EFDA), provides detailed information on all types of fat: saturated fat, unsaturated fat, and Arafat.

If the chips continue to do well, Arafat may turn up on a number of other products, along with slogans urging consumers to support him. On a bottle of anti-flatulence medication: "Don't be a gasser -- help support Yasser." On a bale of hay: "We'll feed your donkey, you feed the ass in Yasser." On a pack of cigarettes: "Be a martyr. Smoke for the cause!"

Politicians around the world may take a cue from such fundraising. In Zambia, for example, members of the opposition have ridiculed President Levy Mwanawasa's intellect, labeling him a "cabbage." Instead of fighting back, he may soon promote his own brand of cabbage. "When an ordinary cabbage isn't good enough for your family, try the Mwanawasa cabbage. Buy a cabbage, support a cabbage."

Zambia has long promoted itself as "the real Africa." Mwanawasa may take the same approach with his campaign slogan: "Levy Mwanawasa. The real cabbage."

In America, former presidential candidate Bob Dole has already set an example, endorsing Viagra and laughing all the way to the bank, not to mention the bedroom. His wife, Elizabeth, used to promote many causes, but has no time these days.

Just the other day, I was at the grocery store and saw the name "Dole" on a banana. I really wish Bob Dole would stop bragging. Next thing you know, he'll have a new slogan: "Bob Dole. The real banana."

The Republican Party, needing money itself, may try to push chicken wings: "We removed all the left wings, so you can enjoy the right wings." Democrats may endorse a soup company, touting the likeness: "We're liberal to a fault -- they're liberal with the salt."

Don't be surprised if Bill Clinton joins Dole, his former opponent, as a pitchman. What would he promote? What else? Cigars! "Listen to Bill and have a thrill -- without even lighting up."

If that doesn't work, Clinton may pitch Rogaine to men having midlife crises: "Don't have an affair. Have some new hair!"

And what about alcohol? "If you need to pep up your life, just visit my dear wife. Hillary has a distillery!"

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