Feel like getting a divorce? Forget about it. A new study shows that splitting up won't necessarily make you happier, that you have a better chance of being happy if you stay with your lousy, good-for-nothing spouse.

Hey, people change. Situations change. Even body odors change. (Today he smells like sour milk; tomorrow he may smell like fine cheese.)

So tear up that divorce petition. Get rid of that divorce lawyer. And send your spouse a box of candy and a note: "Did I say I want a divorce? I meant to say I want a device! Yes, a new remote control. This is all a big misunderstanding, honey. It's my fault, really. I need to work on my pronunciations."

The study, conducted primarily at the University of Chicago, identified 645 unhappy spouses in a national database. After five years, 167 were divorced or separated, with about half of them happy. (The ones who got custody of the Lexus.)

Of the 478 who stayed married, two-thirds were happy. What does all this mean? It's simple: Living with a pain-in-the-neck is better than trying to chop it off.

Anything can happen in five years to improve a marriage: more communication, more commitment, more Viagra.

Of course, in some marriages, five years may seem an eternity. Just ask the former wives of Mike Tyson if they'd give him five years. "Five years? Sure, we'd give him five years -- in the slammer! Certainly not with us. As the divorce court judge said, we're done serving our time."

For these women and others, living in matrimony was never as joyful as living on alimony.

But even the worst marriages can be saved, as the study clearly shows. Of the unhappiest spouses who stuck it out, a staggering 80% were happy five years later, perhaps because they all received free marriage counseling -- almost every day on Oprah.

Interviews of the once-unhappy spouses revealed three routes to happiness:

• Marital endurance: As time went by, sources of conflict eased. Household incomes grew, gifts of jewelry arrived, and the nightly headaches disappeared. "Not tonight, honey" turned into "Not just tonight, honey."
• Marital work: Spouses worked hard to save their marriages. Their winning strategies included changing their behavior, improving communication skills, and finding time to wear deodorant.
• Personal change: Spouses discovered ways to be happy despite a mediocre marriage. Some focused on their jobs, others focused on their children, and a few focused on Antonio Banderas.

Friend: "You've spoken to Antonio Banderas???"

Woman: "Of course. I speak to Antonio all the time. Every time I visit his website. That's why I bought a computer. I can use my Hotmail account to send Antonio some really hot mail."

Friend: "Perhaps you should try Yahoo, because that's exactly what you're turning into."

When marriages go sour, divorce may seem like the best answer, at least for those who aren't content with the Internet. But the study seems to indicate otherwise. With the divorce rate soaring in America, perhaps more people should just hang in there and work on their marriages.

"Honey, did I say that I'm leaving you? Well, I didn't finish my sentence. I meant to say that I'm leaving you all my credit cards. Buy whatever makes you happy: a diamond ring, a pearl necklace, a poster of Antonio Banderas."

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