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Volume 3, Issue 12  ~Your Source for Humor on the Internet ~   September 4, 2002

Sunday, August 25, 2002
 
Energizer Bunny Drinks New Mountain Dew Shot - Now Missing
as reported by: Jenn Dlugos

LOS ANGELES (Just Laugh) - AMP, the new "shot of energy" from the makers of Mountain Dew, may have contributed to the disappearance of one of the most beloved television commercial mascots. Around 5:00 pm yesterday, the Energizer Bunny was seen taking a break from his usual job of pounding on his drum and wandering aimlessly. It was reported that he took a sip of AMP and vanished into this air, leaving skid marks the size of mining trenches.

Snuggles the Bear, the only eyewitness, reported that the Energizer Bunny’s battery pack went into overload as the overdose of caffeine hit the poor rabbit’s system. "His pink fur turned bright red and his feet started to move in a vortex like the Roadrunner. Then, before I could even blink, he vanished."

Fans of Mountain Dew often hail the citrus beverage for its extremely high caffeine content. The new AMP is suppose to be a much more concentrated form of Mountain Dew with other energy enhancers such as ginseng, taurine, B-Vitamins, and MOX5 added. Just Laugh recruited Dexter, from the hailed television series Dexter’s Laboratory, to perform chemical tests on the new drink.

"The results indicate that AMP has the same caffeine content as drinking a 10 gallon drum of espresso spiked with 74 Hershey Bars and laced with 32 pounds of cocaine. I would have been able to obtain a much more accurate analysis except my STOOPID sister trashed my laboratory."

Television commercial stars from all over are pleading for the rabbit’s safe return.

"He had the cleanest bathroom we ever had the pleasure of visiting," the Scrubbing Bubbles exclaimed. Soon after, ammonia scented tears overcame them and they were unable to add any further comments.

Perhaps the most heart-wrenching plea came from the Energizer Bunny’s fraternal twin brother, the Trix Rabbit.

"If anyone out there can return my brother safely, I will give up trying to steal Trix cereal."

The Cookie Crisp Cop, who’s heading the investigation, made a statement early this morning.

"If you see the Energizer Bunny, please do not try to stop him as he is overloaded on caffeine and is potentially dangerous. The best thing you can do is call me or my partner, Captain Crunch, so we can corral the rabbit safely." The Energizer Bunny was last reported on the Audubon Turnpike doing 534 miles an hour early this morning. The search keeps going...and going...and going...


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