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Volume 3, Issue 12  ~Your Source for Humor on the Internet ~   September 4, 2002

Tuesday, August 27, 2002
 
Jason Vs. Freddy - Clash of the Titans Off Stage and On
as reported by: Jenn Dlugos

HOLLYWOOD (Just Laugh) - Freddy vs. Jason, the long awaited celluloid clash of the horror industry’s most beloved titans, might actually be more fact than fantasy. It was reported this evening after a verbal spat between Freddy Kruegar and Jason Vorhees over who deserves the bigger dressing room, a bitch slap match erupted causing both of them to be admitted to Our Lady of the Profusely Bleeding Heart Hospital with minor cranial injuries.

Jason, who was sporting a shiner that could easily be seen through his hockey mask, showed little remorse for the incident, "He’s just upset because I have more sequels than him." Freddy Kruegar emerged from the fight with a broken nose and would not allow press to see him due to his disfiguration.

The news of the fight stirred much controversy through the Hollywood villain community.

"It’s shameful," the Wolfman remarked, "I’ve been against Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Invisible Man, and we have never once fought over the size of a dressing room. These modern psychotics’ egos get in the way of what’s really important….creating mayhem, trashing people’s homes, and causing mass genocide."

It seems that most of the modern fictitious serial killers sided with Freddy Kruegar.

"Freddy and I go way back," muttered Michael Meyers from the Halloween series. "He taught me everything I know. Even back when I was a young serial killer escaped from the mental institution, I could always count on him to meet me late at night at the Elm Street Bar for a gin and tonic after a long day’s work. Jason was always too busy to be bothered with us young’uns. He was always sharpening his knives, cleaning his chainsaws, or washing his hair."

In fact, the only psycho who sided with Vorhees was the Ghostface from the SCREAM series. We caught up with him on the set of Scream 4: Beating a Dead Horse, and he added his two cents.

"Freddy is a has-been. Anyone can burn their face and kill someone in their sleep. But, it takes talent to kill people wearing a mask. You think it’s comfortable under here? It’s like 110 degrees and these eye holes are the size of mini M&M’s. I spend more time out on workers’ compensation because of running into the walls chasing some screaming teenybopper."

It is rumored that Freddy and Jason called each other and apologized for the incident. So, how are they going to determine who gets the bigger dressing room? Rusty Nail, the psychotic killer from Joy Ride, has the answer.

"They are both wickedly talented croquet players."

The match will be held in Springwood Park on Friday the 13th.


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