I am always amazed by how much our society has embraced pumpkins. Think about it: they don't rap, throw footballs or complain about the government. What, then, is so appealing about them that we continue to make them a symbol of the month of October -- and sometimes November, for those who just can't let go? I can only speculate:

1. The stem of the pumpkin makes it much easier to throw than the majority of fruits and vegetables. The stem of the apple, for example, is too weak, therefore not allowing the maximum velocity of the fruit to kick in. Fruits and vegetables without stems are hardly worth bringing to a food fight, simply because of the embarrassment it would bring. And hey, don't worry -- I will address the banana issue too. Some would argue that bananas are ideal for food fights because they are even easier to grip than pumpkins. But remember, my faithful readers (and random others) that bananas are shaped like boomerangs and will therefore come back. So yes, they do have a peel, but you will lose yours once you end up on the floor.

2. Pumpkins serve as the ideal holder for pumpkin seeds. All you really need to do is completely carve out the inside of a pumpkin, then purchase pumpkin seeds and pour them in. When someone asks what is inside the pumpkin, you can simply reply, "My fist... Oh, wait a minute, I thought you asked me what would be in your face if you asked that question again?" If the person does ask again, go ahead and give him or her a couple of pumpkin seeds, but don't forget about that punch in the face, too.

3. Pumpkins are the ideal bowling balls, except that they are irregularly shaped and will always end up in the gutter. But that's fine, because that is where your bowling game will take place anyway. Simply find a local alley (the more stray cats, the better), and roll some pumpkins from one side to the other. Since there are no pins in the alley, you automatically win. The whole notion of "everyone's a winner" has not been so prominent since that one-person raffle you started last year. While you're bowling, make sure you spare the stray cats before they strike.

4. Pumpkins are the perfect replacement heads. Just carve a face into the pumpkin and eliminate the bottom so that you can easily wear it on your neck. Keep in mind that there is a good chance you will not be able to remove the pumpkin, but if you are even thinking about trying this maneuver, chances are that wearing a pumpkin permanently isn't too big of a loss.

5. Pumpkins are everyone's favorite color: orange. And it's about time we had a fruit or vegetable that is orange. Seriously, it is very frustrating to know there is a great color like orange, yet no fruit or vegetable besides pumpkins bear that color.

But I digress.

Printer-Friendly Version

E-Mail This to a Friend