HOLLYWOOD (Just Laugh) - After 50 years of television bliss, the Lucille Ball Foundation was finally dragged into court over the title of the show I Love Lucy. Since the show aired, the title has been accused of being responsible for at least 47 divorces, 33 break-ups, and one case of assault and battery with a loaf of French twist bread.

Mr. and Mrs. Hobgoblin were the first couple to claim that the classic sitcom's title broke up their marriage. As Mr. Hobgoblin remembers, "My wife, Purcy, asked me what was on my mind, and I was watching television so I simply responded 'I Love Lucy'. She proceeded to hit me with a frying pan and accused me of cheating on her with her Siamese twin, Lucy. A week later, divorce papers were drawn up."

A similar incident happened with Boomer and her lesbian couple BamBam. We caught Boomer in the Mullet Madness barbershop and she commented on the incident.

"It was 1967. I asked BamBam who made her laugh harder, her ex-girlfriend Lucy or I. Well, she thought was talking about Lucille Ball, so she said, 'Well, I Love Lucy'. I was so flaming mad that I cut off her mullet with her facial hair trimmers. It turned out to be a misunderstanding, but just because that show was named I Love Lucy, we almost broke up for good." It should be noted that BamBam's mullet eventually grew back. Though many people came forward complaining that the television's title was a poor choice of words (especially for married men), it wasn't until the show was charged in an assault and battery case that the Lucy Foundation was dragged to court.

Mrs. Peaches N. Kream of 666 Elm Street (who asked that she not be identified) witnessed a man approaching an elderly woman Thursday afternoon. Apparently the man thought the woman looked a lot like Vivian Vance, so he simply said "I Love Lucy?" The woman, who's name was Ms. Lucy Fur, started to beat him unconscious with her freshly purchased loaf of French Twist Bread. When asked why she assaulted him, she responded that she pleaded temporary insanity due to an extensive history of bachelor men singing off key versions of the I Love Lucy theme song in an effort to get into her pink lace knickers. The woman is currently being detained in Grumpy Grandmas Correction Center in Florida.

Though the Lucille Ball Foundation has pleaded innocent to the charges, history has shown that the courts are generally insensitive to the celebrities. One is reminded of the 1978 Leave it to Beaver trial when a woman won her case against the show after the show's title allegedly broke up her marriage. Apparently, her husband often stayed at a friend's house claiming he was delayed because he was "watching Beaver". The woman divorced him because she misinterpreted "beaver" as a female body part instead of the 50's sitcom. After the mistake was realized, she sued the creators of the show for breaking up her marriage under false pretenses. She was awarded $69,000,000 dollars and a Leave it the Beaver commerative plate. Even with this similar case proving to be an unfavorable decision for classic sitcoms, the Lucille Ball Foundation remains optimistic. One thing is clear. Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do.

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