HOLLYWOOD (Just Laugh) - The wonderful Wizard of Oz isn't feeling too wonderful after the TinMan summoned him into court yesterday afternoon on a medical malpractice suit. The Tinman alleges that the heart the Wizard implanted into him was defective as it broke in half after his girlfriend broke up with him. The TinMan's ex-girlfriend, Dot Matrix (from the hailed movie Spaceballs), witnessed the incident. "After he got his heart, all he wanted to do was sit home and watch Touched by an Angel and Molly Ringwald movies. I couldn't take this sudden pussyfication, so I broke up with him. He started to cry and he was feeling severe pains in his chest. I thought he was making it all up, until the doctor did some X-rays. The doctor said his heart actually broke in half. The last time that happened was when I broke up with the Iron Giant after he popped my virgin alarm."

The Wizard is being brought up on medical malpractice and also criminal charges of impersonating a cardiologist. The Wizard, while skilled in the ways of wizardry, is not qualified to perform any organ transplant. When asked for his credentials, the Wizard possessed no actual medical degree, which deems him as performing criminal quackery. This came to no shock to some of his clients.

"Courage, my ass!" the Cowardly Lion whimpered, "I went to every psychiatrist imaginable and no one could help my grandiose phobias. Then, this Wizard comes along and supposedly 'cures' me. Sure, most of my phobias are gone, but because of side effects from his treatment, I now have an irrational fear of cats." The Cowardly Lion started screaming after he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and was unable to further comment.

Dorthy also offered a couple disparaging remarks. "Yeah, I got sent to Kansas, but he sent my luggage to Kansas City, Missouri. I walked for three days on the yellow brick road and I could have gotten the same service from an United States airport! The Wizard is a phony. Watch the movie, it tells all!"

Reverend Scarecrow, the head theology professor at Harvard University was teaching a class of 12-year old college students and was unable to offer any comment.

The Wizard pleads guilty to the charges. He faces life imprisonment in the Maximum Flying Monkey Security Prison and could face death by melting.

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