WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) - After hours and hour of counting and recounting ballots late into the night, it was announced early Wednesday morning that President Bush will in fact retain the position of President of the United States for the following two years, much to the relief of Bush and his cabinet. An anonymous source reports that while it was a close race and kept the candidate on edge until the very last ballot was counted, in the end the numbers seemed to just barely fall in the President's favor, almost as if by magic...Harry Potter was unable to be reached for comment.
 

Extra Halloween Candy? No Problem!

Hershey, PA (Just Laugh) - Are you sick of your Halloween candy? Have you heard the quiet sounds of your teeth screaming in fear when you unwrap a miniature chocolate bar? Does the thought of eating one more Milky Way make your spleen start producing bile (which would be a feat since your spleen doesn’t produce bile)? The Transylvanian School of Dentistry has got the answer for you. Dr. S. Uk, the top researcher at the facility, has compiled a list of alternatives to use your Halloween candy effectively.  <<FULL STORY>>
 

Winona Ryder Convicted of Stealing Stupid Items That She Could've Easily Afforded, Cripiling Career

HOLLYWOOD (Just Laugh) - After hearing of the announcement of Miss Ryder's conviction earlier Friday morning, a quick recap of the situation, utilizing several high-powered calculators, determined that even only considering a modest portion of the actress' wealth, Ryder could've easily afforded to purchase many of the finer metropolitan zoos around the country and still had enough green leftover to take the states of California, Arizona, and Idaho out for dinner at a moderately-priced family restaurant.

"Judging from these startling conclusions," one of the anonymous calculator-operators confessed, "this woman has got to be out of her freakin' mind! I mean, what's next - Bill Gates holds up the local Gateway Country computer outlet?!?!?" Although Ryder or her people were not even bothered to be reached for comment, out of fear of losing some of our valuable camera equipment, this reporter will stand behind these statements and even add one of his own - "What the f(*&?"
 

Mom was Right

LOS ANGELES (Just Laugh) - The Science School for Stupid Studies confirmed something that mothers knew for years. Apparently, if you make a funny face long enough, your face will stay like that. The study concluded that 7 out of 10 truly ugly people are only ugly because they made a funny face for longer than 6.9 seconds, and it stuck.  <<FULL STORY>>

Most of us have managed to come down with some sort of sick illness, caused by the local temperatures bouncing rapidly between 60 and 14 degrees (F)...we'll have something funny for you just as soon as we're able to breathe again without actually stuffing our faces into the dehumidifier...

Reader's Poll...

What was your opinion about how the elections went down in your local area? I was happy with the results - those who deserved to win did. 25.0% Elections? What elections?!?!? 25.0% I didn't think that any of the candidates were worthy, so I didn't vote at all. 16.7% I didn't think that any of the candidates were worthy, so I flipped a coin. 16.7% I wasn't happy at all and am predicting the next two years to be hell... 8.3% I WAS one of the candidates and I STILL didn't think that any of us were worthy! 8.3% Total Votes: 12     Version 2.02

Tricky Business
by: Dave Barry

The second fictional novel from the greatest humor writer to ever live, Tricky Business takes us to the sea in an unforgettable journey into, well, we'll let you figure it out! Needless to say, though, if the column-thing ever falls through, Dave will certainly be able to find work in the fiction department...

If you liked Big Trouble, then you need to get a clickin' and order yourself a copy of this book pronto! No excuses - it's funny, so order today...