Thirteen-year-old Billy Flood died in July 2000.  Almost two years later he won a bronze medal at the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City.  This is a true story.  How do I know?  I read it on the Internet.

It was the top news story at StephenKing.com.  Or was it JerryFalwell.com?  No difference, I suppose.

Actually, my source -- much more reliable -- was the Associated Press, which reported that Billy's mom, Leisa Flood, had donated his organs.  His liver was implanted in Chris Klug, who won bronze for the U.S. in parallel giant slalom snowboarding, proving that transplant survivors can be successful in sports that don't involve worms.

Billy and his mom deserve a lot of credit, because, as we all know, it's impossible to win an Olympic medal without a liver, no matter how much help you get from the French judge.

I'm so glad I signed up to be an organ donor when I got my driver's license.  Who knows, maybe I still have a chance to achieve my childhood dream: winning Wimbledon.  But hopefully, not too soon.

Perhaps I should specify whom I want my organs donated to: any youngsters with athletic ability, particularly those who are fairly tall and whose last name is Sampras.

If my plan goes well, I could eventually win championships in a number of sports.  After all, if doctors harvest every single organ, as well as my skin and bones, I could end up helping as many as 20 athletes.  My heart would go to a tennis player, my lungs to a ping-pong player, my brain split between a boxer and wrestler.  If need be, I'm willing to donate my entire scalp to Michael Jordan.  Hair included.

The only body part I wouldn't donate to strangers is my tongue.  I'm leaving it for my wife, because hers will surely be worn out by then.

I wish I could be around to see the look on her face when she receives my tongue, but I'm really not sure where my eyes will be.  With any luck, they'll be donated to a Sports Illustrated photographer, the one in charge of the swimsuit issue.

I'm really not adamant about giving my organs to athletes, as long as they go to people who absolutely need them (not folks who just want an upgrade).  More than 80,000 Americans are waiting desperately for organs and a large number will not be as lucky as Chris Klug.  That's because many people choose not to be organ donors -- for religious and other reasons -- even though some of them claim to believe in recycling.

The organ shortage has forced scientists to consider what was once unfathomable: xenotransplantation -- getting organs from animals.  Genetically modified pigs would probably be the first source.  Yes, in a few decades, a patient who needs an organ may have to simply make a withdrawal at the local piggy bank.  "I'd like a kidney please.  And my wife asked me to pick up a pound of bacon."

The International Olympic Committee may have to adopt strict rules, forbidding transplants from certain animals.  Otherwise the athlete with a cheetah's heart would have an unfair advantage over the athlete with merely a cheater's heart.

IOC president Jacques Rogge: "We have decided to suspend skater Michelle Kwan and award her medal to the first skater who correctly pronounces my name."

U.S. official: "Why?  What did Michelle do?  Drink too much Coke?"

Rogge: "We heard her friends bragging that she has the heart of a lion.  According to our rules, competitors are permitted to have only hearts of pigs."

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