Some folks have started a campaign to make Sept. 11 a national holiday, so we can remember the terrible tragedy.  I'm totally in support of this.  In fact, if we're really serious about remembering it, I think we should take the entire month of September off.  Instead of a holiday, we should have a holimonth.

If we can't manage that, we should at least have a holiweek.  For a full week every September, we could take a break from work to reflect on those tragic events and remember the fallen heroes. And just as we do on Memorial Day, we could perform all this reflecting and remembering while lying on our backs at the beach.

Al Gore: "Hey Bill, are you doing anything on Sept. 11 to remember the tragedy?"

Bill Clinton: "Yes, I'm going to the beach.  There's no better place really.  The splashing of water will remind me of the brave firefighters, the shark warnings will remind me of the evil terrorists, and the bikini-clad women lying on the sand will remind me of the twin towers."

Yes, if Sept. 11 becomes a holiday, the beaches would be packed with people, some of them so patriotic, their thongs would be red, white and blue.  If nothing else, they'd have another reason to get sunburned.

Surfer dude: "Hey, your skin's peeling.  Aren't you worried about getting skin cancer?"

Beach bum: "No, dude.  It's Sept. 11.  Worse things could happen."

Surfer dude: "Sept. 11?  What happened on Sept. 11?  I flunked history."

Beach bum: "You didn't hear, dude?  Three planes crashed into buildings in New York and Washington.  That's why I'm living on the beach. I'm avoiding buildings."

About half of Americans favor a national holiday on Sept. 11, according to a USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup Poll.  The other half don't want a holiday because that's one more day they'd have to spend with their spouses.

But seriously, 48% of respondents said they want the holiday, 48% said they don't, and the remaining 4% had no opinion.  The results surprised some international observers.  "I'm absolutely stunned," said a Frenchman.  "I didn't realize it was possible to find an American with no opinion.  Are you sure those 4% weren't illegal aliens?"

In my opinion, we need more than just a holiday to remember Sept. 11.  We need free airline tickets, not only to help us remember the unfortunate role of commercial planes in the tragedy, but also to help us see how easily and quickly a Boeing 767 can be used to take us to Daytona Beach.

To ensure that the beach-bound passengers think about Sept. 11, we may need the pilot to make an announcement:  "I have some good news for you: The man in the first row has been
disarmed, thanks to some quick action from a brave flight attendant, who managed to grab the man's pencil.  We apologize for the security lapse."

We may also need small planes to pull banners across the sky above the beach, banners with patriotic messages such as "God Bless America" and "United We Tan."

If that isn't enough, we may need to arrange a parade on the boardwalk, complete with marching bands, flag-waving firefighters and Rudy Giuliani. As long as Giuliani doesn't make any unreasonable demands, like asking us to listen to a speech.

We don't need speeches to remind us of Sept. 11. And to be frank, we don't really need a holiday.  But if we get one, we won't complain.

Unless it's raining at the beach.

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