‘To save, press nine.’ This option was something John Roche was praying for not to exist. That’s because Roche, the 22-year-old Iowa man (who incidentally is friends with my younger brother), made a threatening phone call, from his cell phone, to the alleged accuser in the Kobe Bryant rape case. The message was left on the woman’s answering machine.

The phone call consisted of Roche threatening the 19-year-old Colorado woman with obscenities and a coat hanger, with the hanger being used in a way that could only be dreamed up by the producers of HBO’s Real Sex.

How would you have liked to come home to that message?

“Hi, it’s Bill, just wanted to see if we could have dinner tonight. Okay, call me back.” BEEP! “Hey there, just wanted to say hi. Call me when you get the chance.” BEEP! “I’m going to BLEEPING kill you! I’m going to take a coat hanger and BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP.” BEEP! “Hi, this is Emily. You still owe me $22 for that shirt you ruined of mine.” BEEP!

When Roche decided to reach out and touch someone, he was, to paraphrase, under the influence of a great deal of alcohol, according to Elliot Schwind, his friend (and also a friend of my younger brother).

I keep referring to my younger brother because if I know him well enough, which I do, he would have been either, a.) the one making the phone call, or b.) cheering him on.

As for Roche, he should have taken a lesson from Carrot Top, but he didn’t because this phone call could be costing him a lot. He recently pleaded innocent and if convicted, could face up to five years in prison and a $250,000 fine.

Having this story so close to home, I’ve been following it and occasionally, the topic comes up when I’m at social gatherings. It’s always the same thing, “Jason, what do you think about Roche making that phone call?”

And to this, I always reply the same way. “I have a new book that’s out.”

“What?”

“I mean, I think John is a good kid. Even though he’s an adult and in the paper he’s referred to as a Davenport man, what he did was childish.”

Since this ordeal has occurred, Roche has left the University of Iowa and has moved back to Davenport to live with his parents. Only time will tell about how much time he will actually get.

I say this because I believe he will get time, maybe 8-12 months. The reason is because it was the first arrest of its kind in this case and a precedent must be set. Also, when the Columbine shootings happened, the person who made a threat served a similar sentence, as did the person who made a threat in the Oklahoma City bombing case.

From talking to several of his friends, it almost seems like they believe it’s nothing serious. They keep saying, “He was drunk,” or something to that effect. If being “drunk” is a good enough defense to get out of an obstruction of justice charge or any other offense, I will use this logic to my advantage and begin my career as a bank robber. As long as I have a great deal of alcohol in me, all charges would be forgiven. Right?

Having said that, John Roche is a good kid. What he did was, for lack of a better term, stupid. But this is how it happens. One bad action can ruin a lifetime of good ones.

It never happens the opposite way. Some man donates a large sum of money to a charity. Then all of a sudden, people start coming forward and saying, “I can’t believe he gave money. He’s such a cheap bastard.” And, “This guy won’t even pick up a check at a restaurant.”

But I guess I’d rather have people say that about me then having what’s ahead of John Roche.

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