The older parents get, the more, um, tight they become. Wealthy parents are no exception to the ever increasing fear of not having enough money. The older they get, the more fearful they get and the more they hoard their money. By the time they're 70, getting money out of parents is like trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. The U.S. government, who has thoroughly researched the non-spending habits of old people, is very aware of the Hoarding Factor which is reflected in the thirty percent inheritance tax. Sure, the money can be given away in increments of up to ten thousand dollars per person every year, in which case the inheritance tax doesn't apply. But old people don't give away their money and the government knows this. They also know that the old folks are secretly playing the lottery and Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes.

Even perpetual hoarders can never hoard enough, and thus are forced to economize in order to save money. My Dad, for example, just can't give up that orange and blue White Stag ski jacket he's been wearing for the past five decades. You know which one I'm talking about because your father probably has one too. When you go to the ski slopes, all 70-year-old men are wearing these White Stag jackets. What's even worse are the old ski sweaters they're wearing underneath the jackets. Those sweaters with the patched elbows are the rage among my dad's friends who call it "timeless fashion."

The following is a real conversation I overheard between my dad and his friend. Keep in mind that these men are in no way senile:

Hans: Hey , I remember that sweater from when we went skiing in Aspen in 1957.

Dad: Yeah, I wore it when we took those trips to Vail, Breckenridge, Kitzbuel, St. Moritz, and Hunter Mountain too.

Hans: That's funny. I don't remember you wearing it any other time except Aspen.

Dad: I'm sure I wore it all those times because it's the only ski sweater I've got. Why do you remember it at Aspen?

Hans: That's when I gave it to you for Christmas.

Dad: Oh, that's right, you gave me this sweater! I forgot about that.

Hans: I know I gave it to you because I bought yours at the same time I bought mine.

Dad: Well, look at that! Your sweater is the same as mine! Same color. Never noticed that before.

Hans: I wear it every time I ski. It's the only ski sweater I've got.

Sometimes I wonder if it's not hoarding or economizing to blame, but more that some fathers are dead against anything new. I've about many children with high hopes, buying their fathers new waterproof, extra insulated, triple down jackets. Fathers always politely express their thanks and leave the jacket hanging in the closet, never to be worn again after the Christmas morning when he first modeled it.

I made this same mistake.I bought my Dad a fleece Patagonia pullover ski jacket. He said he likes it so much that he saves it for special occasions, which never seem to occur.

There was one time when Dad did give in to a new ski fashion. This came 40 years after the invention of waterproof ski pants. Until recently, Dad had always worn dark blue corduroy pants when skiing. These are the same corduroys he wears to church on Sundays. After the first tumble on the slopes and was wearing the entire ski slope on his pants. By the second run, the snow had glossed into ice and Dad was a virtual Ice Man. When he couldn't bear the cold any longer, he would hobble stiff-legged into the lodge, sit down by the fireplace, and empty the snow out of his boots while his icy pant legs thawed and dripped down his legs.

After pleading with him for years, he finally consented to using the ski pants I had bought him for Christmas eleven years ago. He couldn't believe the difference. He raved about his new ski pants for weeks!

But, he still uses his corduroys on those warm spring skiing days. And sometimes he even skis in the jogging suit Aunt Leila gave him for his birthday fifteen years ago. After all, why spend money on something new, like lightweight water-proof ski pants, when your closet is full of completely inappropriate things you can wear?

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