WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) - Senator Frankens (dem. Ohio) is being investigated for improper conduct regarding his investment portfolio. It has been reported that he is buying up stocks in all the major hog futures markets. This has raised a lot of eyebrows in the Washington inner circles because his family owns the largest hog lots in Ohio (Hog Heaven Acres, Inc). As a member of the Finance Committee, Senator Frankens has steered a lot of funding to his home state. He has earned his nickname of "Porkbarrel King."

He got elected on his "Bringing home the bacon" ticket. Although many rumors surfaced that he greased a lot of palms to swing the election his way, nothing was ever proven. He has stayed in office for five terms so far because he has pigged out on all the legislation that gave his homestate the most money. Senator Frankens has rooted out all the appropriations he could, thus his hometown of Porksville (they raise a lot of those things there) has the best roads in the state. All the gravel roads have been paved and there are stoplights at every corner. They even have buttons at tractor height and reach to change the lights.

The investigators would not have given him a second glance until someone noticed that his family was suddenly buying a lot of cattle. The Senator tried to explain this away by saying that it was time to get a steak in more than just swine. The argument was total hogwash, of course. The bottom line was that both cattle and corn prices are way down, thanks to the "Pig out on Pork" advertising campange running now.

More details to follow.

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