My wife and I recently took our baby girl, Lekha, to a hospital emergency room. It was the middle of the night and we couldn't get her to stop crying, so we thought something was seriously wrong. Forgive us, we're first-time parents and our imaginations tend to run wild. Did she swallow a loose thread in her blanket? Is she too young to eat fiber? Will it leave her stomach in a knot?

We thought we'd find answers at the hospital, but we'd have been better off taking Lekha to our mechanic. Not that the doctor didn't try. He checked her pulse and pressure, even took X-rays. After Lekha had calmed down, the doctor shrugged and said, "Perhaps it was gas," a diagnosis that sounded eerily similar to a recent one from our mechanic.

Lekha didn't cry on the way home, but I burst into tears, realizing we had been blessed, beyond doubt, with another hospital bill. Despite having health insurance, we'd have to cough up $115. That's because our health plan is called "managed care" and we're never quite sure when our insurance company will manage to care. Some hospital visits are fully covered, others are not, and to figure it out, you need a degree in quantum physics.

Even so, we're thankful we have health insurance, for we know that so many people don't. In this rich and powerful country, a shameful 41 million lack health insurance, according to 2001 Census Bureau figures. The ailing healthcare system is further burdened by millions of illegal aliens who can't afford hospital visits, not to mention all the money that's being spent on Dick Cheney's heart attacks.

Bill and Hillary Clinton tried to fix the system, but the only thing they managed to fix was their cat. Thankfully, President Bush seems just as concerned about America's health.

Reporter: "Mr. President, would you please explain your health plan?"

Bush: "Well, it has three important components. First and foremost, we must eliminate the primary threat to our health, a threat known to everyone as Saddam Hussein. He is a cancer on our nation. We must operate on him as soon as possible. Second, we must make a commitment to rid the world of weapons of mass destruction, especially the ones that don't belong to us. As long as such weapons exist, our health is at risk. And finally, we must provide tax cuts for ordinary Americans such as Ted Turner and Bill Gates. Without tax relief, they will never be able to feel healthy. As the old saying goes, wealth is health."

Unless you're one of the 41 million who lack health insurance, it's easy to believe that overhauling the healthcare system isn't as important as, say, providing government funds for a scientific study to determine why monkeys scratch themselves. After all, the study might have a huge impact on our understanding of baseball.

Unless you're one of the unlucky ones, you may believe that only certain classes of people deserve health coverage, the ones who need it the least, the ones who drive around in Jaguars and BMWs, saying, "Who cares about America's health system? We've got a great wealth system."

Unless you're one of the unlucky ones, you may even believe that hospitals are cheap, doctors are underpaid, and Santa Claus delivers prescription drugs.

"Merry Christmas! Anybody want some Prozac? It'll make you forget you have no health insurance!"

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