WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) - With a war on Iraq waiting around the corner, the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment), formerly the WWF, has challenged members of the White House to a cage match due to what a White House spokesperson claims as a typographical error.

Apparently, in a televised press conference, President Bush noted that the United States of America was set to "invade and bomb The Rock," instead of Iraq.  <<FULL STORY>>
 

Erickson to Coach in Blackface

SAN FRANCISCO (Just Laugh) - New 49ers coach Dennis Erickson announced this morning that he will coach the entire 2003 NFL season in blackface. The move is expected to quell criticism over the team's decision to hire Erickson over many qualified African-American candidates. "From Tuesday through Sunday, I will be a black man," declared the new coach. "Monday will be my only day off."  <<FULL STORY>>
 

Snow Dusting Sends Eastern United States into Panic

NORTHERN MICHIGAN (Just Laugh) - It was reported over the weekend that Greater New York and other nearby parts of the eastern seaboard were pelted with up to nineteen of snow, effectively shutting down the area and giving many government officials yet another day off. Residents in the neighboring states of Michigan and Wisconsin reportedly laughed their asses off and then proceeded to brush approximately nineteen inches of snow off of their cars in preparation for their regular morning commute to work.
 

Last Two Banks in U.S. Merge

NEW YORK CITY (Just Laugh) - A spokesman for Empire Bank, N.A. announced yesterday the acquisition the last of the small local banks, Walter Bank and Trust of Provo, UT. The sale was unanimously approved by Walter Bank's stockholders-- Bank president Walter Bank, and his wife Edna-- in a closed-door meeting with Empire representatives Vito and Mort Salvucci. The Banks were unavailable for comment.  <<FULL STORY>>
 

Bush Announces Cliche Shortage

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) - President Bush announced today that thanks to the Iraq situation, he has nearly run out of threatening cliches. "Yesterday's announcement that the 'Game is over' for Saddam was pretty much the last one," he said. Vice President Cheney confirmed the shortage. "This is a dire situation," he said. "If we don't have an adequate store of sound bite threats, we may be forced to go to war."  <<FULL STORY>>
 

Man Dumps Woman After Miserable Valentine's Day

LOS ANGELES (Just Laugh) - "I just couldn't take it anymore," Steven Miller told reporters following his sudden break-up with one Hollywood starlette who preferred to remain nameless. "She just wasn't meeting my needs as a person and my needs, you know, are very important to me..."

Miller, a young and attractive actor himself, continued to weep into his mocha-capafrachino for approximately 3.6 minutes until he was approached by a sweet and demure waitress/model who promised to see him as a person and do something-or-other with his needs, too. The happy couple were wed this afternoon and immediately flew to Vegas for their honeymoon...a divorce is being allotted for the following morning.

02.26.03 - Apologies for the delay...we ran into some server trouble earlier last week that simply couldn't be avoided, but everything's ok now!

As you can plainly see, this is our Valentine's Issue - love being in the air and whatnot, so we thought that it would be only fitting to put together a little something special for you! Of course, the mainstream already plays up the typical, romantic side of the holiday to a point that could gag us all, so we've once again opted to take the low road and hit V-Day from the perspective of the rest of us, The Cynic's Complete Guide to Valentine's Day.

There have also been a number of other improvements on the site recently, including some major changes in our image galleries. A brief mosey over to our galleries will greet you with a brand new interface, a totally sweet slideshow feature and of course, some new images for your oggling fancy! Stay tuned for some original works of our own in this department coming up very shortly, including the long-anticipated sequel to everyone's favorite winter-fun series!

And just in case you've got a bit of extra free time and a budding comedic talent...

It won't be long until the luck of the Irish be upon us - are you ready???

Reader's Poll...

How do you REALLY feel about Valentine's Day? It's not really that different from any other day to me... 30.0% Just another reminder that I'm going to die alone...thanks, Cupid! 20.0% Typically an over-played event, but still has good intentions. 20.0% It's a pathetic excuse by corporate juggernauts to steal more of my money! 10.0% Wait a minute...how come us guys never get anything for Valentine's Day?! 10.0% It's a beautiful reason to show that special someone you truly care! 10.0% Total Votes: 10     Version 2.02

High Fidelity
starring John Cusack

Analyzing music and popular culture, love and relationships, and basically just coping with growing up in general, High Fidelity focuses on the revolving love life of Rob Gordon (Cusack), a record-store owner who finds himself coping with the fact that he's actually an adult now and that change is OK. It easily passes for a romantic comedy, but this is definitely one that most guys should be able to appreciate, too...

Do we listen to pop music because we are miserable?
OR
Are we miserable because we listen to pop music?