SAN FRANCISCO (Just Laugh) - New 49ers coach Dennis Erickson announced this morning that he will coach the entire 2003 NFL season in blackface. The move is expected to quell criticism over the team's decision to hire Erickson over many qualified African-American candidates. "From Tuesday through Sunday, I will be a black man," declared the new coach. "Monday will be my only day off."

Team officials supported the decision. "We have no problem with Dennis's choice to appear in blackface," said Bill Walsh. "Just as we have no problems with actual black men coaching our team. We just felt Dennis Erickson was a better fit. It had nothing to do with his skin color. It still doesn't, even when it's painted." He added, "Of course, we won't be leaving Dennis alone with the silver."

Johnnie Cochran, who spearheaded the campaign to force the NFL to improve its minority hiring practices, fully supports Erickson's decision. "If the skin don't fit, you must change it," he said, after which he broke out into a lengthy soliloquy in trochaic septameter. Jessie Jackson also expressed his support. "This is a step... a step in the right... direction. A direction that is right beCAUSE we took a step towards it. And it is towards this right-directed step that we should continue to step if we are to go forward more...ward..."

In a related story, Steve Mariucci, recently fired by the 49ers and hired by the Detroit Lions, announced he would spend the 2003 season wearing a dress.

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