I'm not a big fan of waiting, which is really not an unusual statement. I don't think there are too many people who are sitting around right now thinking, "You know what? Waiting is great. I love to know that time is ticking by and I am watching it." That's why we have fast food, and that's also why we've made fast food even faster by creating drive-thru windows. Our society wants everything fast, even if it means risking quality because of it...

Over the past few years, I've written about waiting at jury duty, waiting in the express lane, and even about lifting weights in order to gain maximum strength. Actually, I don't think I've ever written about lifting weights, but if I did, I would have focused on waiting around at a gym just to be able to use the weights. There's irony for you...

Today, though, I experienced a new kind of waiting as I sat for an hour while my car received a tune-up. I wanted to write a column the last time my car received a tune-up, but I didn't want to put that much thought into it. That's because waiting is the most thoughtless process there is. Some of the dumbest people I know do a pretty good job of waiting around. Likewise, some of the smartest people I know don't really know how to wait because they're too busy trying to do other things, or they're waiting becomes pacing or doodling, which is contrary to the true point of waiting. Waiting, in its purest form, is remaining idle so that nothing is accomplished until a certain job is done, at which point the waiting will be proven worthwhile. If you do something while you wait, that takes away the dramatic effect. It's like reading the ending of a book before the beginning, or declaring the winner of an election without counting the votes. You know, things we wouldn't actually ever do...

The main reason I despise waiting as my car is tuned up is the lack of viewing options. I could have either read a three-month old issue of Time, or I could have chosen from numerous car magazines. This is something I don't understand, because if I knew anything about cars, or if I cared about cars, I'd probably be able to do the tune-up myself. This left the television option...

Now, I'm not someone who tends to hog a remote, but I do have a problem with not being able to change a channel when the show is barely visible due to static. If people wanted to view television that way, then translucent glasses would be a big hit. And if translucent glasses were a bit hit, then gas stations would fill them with soda and sell them for a buck. Alas, though -- no soda, no glasses, no static...

My other problem with waiting for a tune-up is that I don't feel like I've gained anything personally. It's not like getting a cavity filled or purchasing food -- events which could potentially change my life. With a car tune-up, I know that technically something is different, but it's not so noticeable that I want to create a song-and-dance routine to celebrate...

When it comes down to it, waiting is an inevitable part of life that takes place even before we leave the womb. I guess that's why they call it the "waiting womb."

But I digress.

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