A Glimpse
into the News...
Bush Announces New Message from God
WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) - In an early morning Rose Garden press conference, President
George W. Bush announced that God wants him to kill "some" Iranians as soon
as possible. The decision was the result of a late night "bull session"
between Bush and the Lord God Almighty, which reportedly lasted several
hours past the president's customary 10:00 P.M. bedtime.
The announcement came as no surprise to many Washington experts who have
long believed Bush to be in direct contact with at least one, and possibly
two or three major deities since he took office. "The hints were always
there," said George Stephanopoulos. "The 'crusade' references, the daily
prayer sessions, the God dropping in the State of the Union...clearly, Bush
has been speaking to God for quite some time." Bush has also stated on
many occasions that he believes he is doing God's work in Iraq. "Oh,
definitely, God has his ear right now," agreed William Safire. <<FULL
STORY>>
Has-Been Pop Stars Reunite for Final Farewell Tour
LOS ANGELES (Just Laugh) - In what is reported to be "Honestly, The Last Worldwide Tour - We Promise!" nearly half a dozen of the music industry's most famous members from yester-year have joined forces to produce one of the most expensive concerts that fans everywhere will undoubtedly regret blowing their hard-earned cash on. Tickets range anywhere from $75 for lawn chairs in the parking lot to $3000 for seats close enough to actually smell the singers' afterglow and are available from your local ticket scalper.
Record is Worthless, but Respectable
SAN DIEGO (Just Laugh) - Ever since Miguel David started
riding his skateboard across the United States,
people have taken notice. The trek, which will
conclude next week in Fort Lauderdale, will mark
the first time ever a person has traveled cross
country on a skateboard. <<FULL STORY>>
Clueless Woman in Denver Still Paying Top-Dollar for Bottled Water
DENVER (Just Laugh) - During a quaint dinner party earlier this week, it became aware to friends and family that Maureen Dilman continues to purchase so-called "bottled spring water" for $3.95 at the local grocery store, despite the obvious fact that it's nothing more than "regular water" and she's getting "raped through the wallet." Maureen refused any questions, only commenting that "it really does taste better than water out of the faucet...doesn't it?"
Sure, whatever you say, Maureen...
Woman Goes "Back," Only Shortly After Going "Black"
DETROIT (Just Laugh) - Some say that size isn't everything and although most men will instantly come back, stating that it's just an excuse for guys with less-than-gargantuan genitalia, Rebecca <last name withheld upon request> will vouch that in fact, size isn't everything...
Young Rebecca had been living it up at a local bar within walking distance of her college dormitory last Friday night and after having been bought many an alcoholic beverage, her friends reported that she was acting quite a bit more friendly than normal. It was at approximately 1:38 AM that a gentleman from the Alpha Sigma Sigma fraternity intervened and asked Rebecca to dance, and the night went downhill from there. <<FULL STORY>>
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Updates:
04.23.03 - Still hungry, are ya?
As we enjoy these final few days of National Humor Month, it seemed only fitting to dazzle your senses with an array of hilarity that could only be found in making fun of other people's ideas! You may remember a little series we started last year called, Ad Spoofs - well, after a long hiatus, the series is back with some new mockeries for your, uhhh, mocking pleasure...
You'll also be noticing several new changes in our Joke Database over the next week or two as we complete its own conversion, so please bear with us and defer to said upgrades if you happen to encounter any brief outages! In the meantime, why not send us a few jokes of your own to add to the collection?
We'd also like to make an attempt to sway your e-mail address for the common good, if you don't mind! One of our hilarious contributing writers, Erik Deckers, has established a goal for his own mailing list that has yet to be achieved...but hopefully we can help. You see, even though they don't technically know about it, Erik's list is in competition with the Yahoo! Group Nails for Males and currently he's getting whomped on big time! Of course, you can help by signing yourself up today - not only do you get Erik Decker's hilarious column, the Laughing Stalk, every week in your mailbox, but you also get the satisfaction of knowing that you've played an active part in the conquering of afeminine males everywhere...
And while you're at it, make sure you're signed up for our mailing list, too!
The One Minute Song, Volume 2
by: Tim Cavanagh
You've heard him on The Bob & Tom Show, and maybe you've even seen him live at a comedy club near you! Now it's time to take the next step and get yourself an official piece of memorabilia from The Tim Cavanagh Experience...
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