WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) - In an early morning Rose Garden press conference, President George W. Bush announced that God wants him to kill "some" Iranians as soon as possible. The decision was the result of a late night "bull session" between Bush and the Lord God Almighty, which reportedly lasted several hours past the president's customary 10:00 P.M. bedtime.

The announcement came as no surprise to many Washington experts who have long believed Bush to be in direct contact with at least one, and possibly two or three major deities since he took office. "The hints were always there," said George Stephanopoulos. "The 'crusade' references, the daily prayer sessions, the God dropping in the State of the Union...clearly, Bush has been speaking to God for quite some time." Bush has also stated on many occasions that he believes he is doing God's work in Iraq. "Oh, definitely, God has his ear right now," agreed William Safire.

When pressed for further details regarding God's ultimate plan, Bush was forthcoming, but not willing to provide anything specific. "I can tell you that there's gonna be some dead Iranians real soon," he reiterated, "and that we've got four or five other countries we're thinkin' about. There's a few heathens out there, may look into ark-building real soon, if you catch my drift." The president also hinted at the possibility of an additional five commandments in the near future.

Asked about whether God's more direct intervention would have been useful during the on-going Iraq war-for example, by avoiding civilian casualties, or by eliminating Saddam Hussein immediately without any additional loss of life-Bush waved his hands and said solemnly "there ARE no civilian casualties...Saddam Hussein IS dead...and so shall it be..."

In a related story, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer announced that civilian casualties will now be referred to in all press releases as "victims of Iraqi terrorism."

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