Humor Blog Highlights

Eating Placenta Confirmed “Fucking Disgusting”

© photosoup / Dollar Photo Club

Seriously, I know that pregnancy does weird things to your brain, but come on … how many pickles did new age moms have to eat at three in the morning to come up with this?!

A review was published by Northwestern University this week citing that despite a disgusting rise in popularity in recent years, there are no proven health benefits to a recently un-pregnant woman consuming her own placenta with a glass of Chianti on a cool, summer’s night.

Chianti or maybe a nice Merlot … what does one pair with a fresh, bloody placenta, anyways???

And really, if you’re open to chowing down on your own used placenta, why stop there?! You’ve got two kidneys and you only need one. Hell, the appendix is one that we don’t even need – I wonder what that tastes like! How about the pancreas??? Sure, it’s a fun word to say and all, but what has your pancreas ever really done for you?!

New age pregnant moms get away with some crazy stuff when they’re carrying, but I think somebody needs to stop and draw the line somewhere…

Acupuncture? Whatever – poke all the holes you want.

Water births? It’s never too early to start with swim lessons!

Eating a bloody placenta to absorb leftover nutrients and stave off postpartum depression? NO. NO. FUCKING NO.

If you need nutrients, grab a multivitamin from the grocery store.

If you’re feeling sad, grab a pint of Ben & Jerry’s from the grocery store … but note that they don’t make it in Pasteurized Placenta, so stop being weird and deal with your depression like a normal person!!!

They say that “other mammals do it all of the time.”

Sure.

Your pet dog will eat its own shit from time to time if you’re not paying attention, too – is that really the level of scrutiny that you want to hold yourself to?!

The bottom line is, you’re a parent now and it’s time to start acting responsible. That begins with not eating your own organs … because it’s fucking disgusting.

Seriously.

About Scott Sevener (580 Posts since 2001)
The Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Just Laugh, Scott writes about the random things in life that amuse him - from the miracle of childbirth to the bologna sandwich he just ate for breakfast. He currently resides in Tampa, FL with a girl, a baby, and a dog that never shuts the hell up.