Yesterday we read reports of a small town pizza joint in Indiana that quickly became the first to publicly declare that they would not be able to offer their catering services for gay weddings, citing the controversial Religious Freedom Restoration Act as giving them the freedom to make that choice…
Now actual injustices aside, the go-to joke from this headline seemed to be – “What kind of a person caters pizza at their wedding, anyways?!”
And I’m here to tell you that after attending more than enough weddings myself, there are definitely couples who should consider serving pizza at their weddings instead of the carefully laid-out plans that they’ve documented in $19.95 wedding binders that they’ve purchased for the express purpose of “planning” what they intend to subject their guests to for the 2 – 4 hours of their lives that can never again be reclaimed.
I’ve been to a wedding that served french fries on the buffet line.
I’ve been to a wedding that was catered by Golden Corral … because apparently that’s a service they offer to bring their shitty buffet to you on the most important day of your life!
These are the people that pizza wedding catering was made for – not folks who are decent enough to serve a delightful array of canapes and Swedish meatballs that make sitting through their god-awful dedication of love remotely tolerable. For weddings that feature dishes of salmon and tilapia, braised beef tips and stuffed chicken marsala, pizza catering need not apply, but if you’re planning your shindig and find yourself seriously debating that $7.99/plate chicken parm food product, you’re the type of person who would be better off picking up a half dozen supremes at the local pizza joint and just calling it a day.
I don’t care if the bride’s favorite dish is Kraft Macaroni & Cheese just like Mom used to make or the couple has to eat ramen for the three months preceding their wedding to pay for the venue. There are some things that simply don’t belong at a wedding, and pizza catering was created by God himself to serve as an alternative to whatever other ridiculous food options the bride and groom … well, mostly the bride … thinks that she can get away with.
If shrimp and scallops are out of budget and assorted cheeses and rolled up deli meats are too high-class, skip unveiling the party sub for your main course and just order in delivery instead. As long as you’re not gay and trying to order from that place in Indiana, your guests will be much happier with pizza anyways…