Trick or treating is fine.
I don’t care what the lady on the six o’clock news has been telling you in her shocked and concerned voice every night this week. Nobody wants to poison your kids, and if they did, who would really pick Halloween of all holidays to do it?!
Everyone’s dressed up in disguises. It’s dark. What if they accidentally poison Susie instead of Johnny???
Besides, do you have any idea how much of a pain it is to poison pre-packaged candy that one buys from the store anyways?! Sure, maybe if you’re making your own candy or something – you pour a cup of bleach or weed killer into the mix for those little assholes who seriously don’t understand what “STAY OFF THE FUCKING GRASS!!!” means, but really, who even has the time for that these days?
It always amuses me how some people get so worked up about how dangerous trick or treating can be, as if people who are willing to take the time to hand out sweets to every little shit in the neighborhood are going to then selectively poison every fourth child on some sort of sick whim. These are the same people who also somehow believe that their church “Trunk or Treat” festivities are far safer because, well, who wouldn’t trust a guy handing out candy and treats out of the trunk of his car?!?!?!
“Did Father Jerry give you a tire iron for trick or treating this year?”
“Yeah, he said that he was all out of 8-balls, but that if I hurried I could probably catch up with the other kids who beat me to him…”
I remember how back in my day, it was the scare of the razor blade in the apple that all of the parents were terrified of … as if any self-respecting kid was even going to give an apple a second glance when there was a perfectly good pile of normal candy towering in front of us. Besides, what kind of an idiot doesn’t notice a razor blade buried inside of a granny smith apple?! On a paranoia-fueled night like Halloween, you’d think the razor blade-shaped gouge in the side of the fruit would be sort of a giveaway…
If somebody was really out to get your kids on Halloween, there are so many more efficient ways to go after ’em – trip wires in the front yard, not paying attention when you’re backing out of the driveway, some sort of elaborate cage mechanism that falls down from the roof when they ring the doorbell.
Poison and razor blades are so 1985, and they were complete and total bullshit when people were paranoid about them back then, too.