I don’t care if you’re tired of seeing pumpkin this and pumpkin that on every grocery store shelf.
I don’t care that you like to turn your nose up at the Pumpkin Spice Latte ladies at Starbucks, even though the crap you’re there to buy every day like clockwork isn’t any better.
PUMPKIN SPICE IS AWESOME AND YOU’RE WRONG IF YOU THINK ANYTHING OTHERWISE!!!!!
How many other seasons get their own limited edition flavorings???
Try Christmas, and that’s about it, and even though they technically get both gingerbread and peppermint, pumpkin basically spans two holidays between Halloween and Thanksgiving, so that certainly evens the odds, if not puts pumpkin already over the goal line.
Plus, gingerbread and peppermint are mere extras during Christmastime, taking a backseat to Santa and presents and holiday lights, whereas let’s all be honest – unless you’re five years old and planning on going trick or treating, pumpkin spice is pretty much the highlight of the season when it comes to celebrating autumn as a full-blown adult.
People like to rag on pumpkin because it’s so wildly successful that it’s managed to permeate through every nook and cranny of our consumer-driven lives, but I’ll repeat what one of the great poets of our time once said – “Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate…” because I’m just gonna eat eat eat eat eat pumpkin all day long and into the night until the day after Turkey Day is finally upon us and it’s time to pumpkin purge to make way for enough Christmas cookies to give Santa Claus himself diabetes.
Maybe if the haters spent more time embracing their delicious pumpkin overlords and less time being morons, the conversion process could just complete and we’d all be able to live together in pumpkin-y harmony – happy, lovingly round pumpkin citizens, each in our pumpkin houses where the cupboards are stocked with nary a bread, cheese, or breakfast pastry that doesn’t feature the likeness of our sweet ruler, ‘O Señor Pumpkin Head.
There would be no war, no political strife, no famine or pestilence running rampant through the streets – just one world united under pumpkin spice, the way our almighty pumpkin gods intended humanity to live.
Now doesn’t that sound nice???