Those in the business have a lot of difficult decisions to make, but choosing a cell phone provider shouldn't be one of them. Think about it - would you rather spend your afternoon comparing rate plans and service contracts, or daydreaming about which of those two redheads down in accounting you're going to nail first? That's what we thought! With Call 'em on Your Own Time Cellular, we take the guesswork out of your day, so you're free to sexually harass whomever you can fit into that busy schedule of yours! Sound too good to be true? Well, it very well may be, but as long as we're on a roll here, let's see just how big we can get this fallacy going!

You know, the problem with all of those other cell phone companies is that they're willing to give a phone out to just about anyone. Every twelve-year-old at the mall, soccer mom on the highway, and college student at the local campus currently enjoys the luxury of wireless communications, but what do they really need it for? Arranging play dates and asking if there's any milk left in the fridge, although they seem to be vitally important to anyone's existance, they aren't exactly what cellular technology was created for...

...and it was created with you, the important businessman, in mind! You don't have time to wait on hold for technical support while some blonde co-ed complains about why she can't figure out how to use her voice-mail, so we've decided that the best way to speed you through the process is to only offer our services to the most elite of customers...but that's only the beginning!

Not only have we eliminated all of the problem customers from the equation, but we've also taken an extra step to ensure that those whom you'll be dealing with are of the highest possible caliber! The people answering our support calls won't be the same ones bagging your groceries or flipping your burgers later on this evening, that's for sure, because they'll still be chained to their desks, working dilligently towards providing the best customer service ever attained from indentured servitude this century...

We could go on and on about how our rates are so much cheaper because we actually steal our bandwidth from the United States government, or that our customer service reps always sound so cheerful on the phone because they're not allowed to talk to anyone when they're not actually working, or even that our corporation is officially sanctioned by the mafia and will grow to become the most well-known (and feared) cellular communications provider in the western hemisphere in the next three-to-five years, but that's really not what's important to us! What's important is that we wrestle your business away from those money-grubbing competitors of ours and get you back on the road to success as soon as possible! You want to be successful, don't you???