|
|
| There is a guy selling a product called "Longitude" that he claims
will make your willie grow like an anaconda on steroids. The longer
you buy and pop the expensive little pills every day, the longer it will
grow until you decide it’s big enough. "Keep taking Longitude until
you are satisfied with your new growth, then stop," the ad says.
Adding extra punch to this fantastic product is that he gives away
his own ‘98 Lamborghini Diablo to the lucky guy who manages to grow the
biggest dick from now until September 30 this year. All you have
to do is take a "before" picture, fork over your money, and take an "after"
picture when you’ve grown bigger. Then you send the pictures in and
hope you grew the most. The competition might be stiff, as they expect
to get "hundreds of thousands" of entrants to the contest.
It gets better! While the product promises to grow your penis 1...
2... 3... or more inches in just a few short weeks, he generously points
out that using the Longitude pills for more than just ONE month is NOT
cheating! Wow!! Does that increase your chances of winning or what? We
are, quite frankly, speechless.
You can read more about this amazing product and its competition
at:
www.longitudecapsules.com
However, we’d be stupid if we didn’t try to jump on the bandwagon
while the hustle is good, so without further a due... |
This is OUR patented penis-enlarger! Nah, perhaps not really patented,
but saying that makes our random blend of herbs, household spices, and
whatever we found in the ashtrays down at the highway truckstop on that
particular day sound somewhat legitimate and almost mystical. It
goes without saying, though - this isn't your father's penis-enlarger!!!
|
We don’t claim that you can grow 3 inches in a few short weeks without
any scientific backing whatsoever -- we claim that you can grow 6 inches
in a few short weeks! Or if you take double dose, a whole foot!
Don’t believe us? Well, just listen to our vast lineup of customer
testimonials from suckers we paid $50 to have their picture taken and claim
they love our product! With such solid evidence, who cares that some medical
egg-heads call Schlongitude "the biggest fraud since nitroglycerin was
marketed as mouthwash"? Bah! |
To launch our amazing product, we’re running a contest similar to Longitude,
but we’re not giving away a measly Lamborghini. Oh no, we’re bigger
and better than that! We’re giving away the International Space Station
so that you’ll have a secluded and exotic place to lure all the women you’ll
conquer to. To sweeten the deal we’re also giving away the White
House (so you don’t have to get a hotel room if you miss a connecting flight
in Washington DC), the Caribbean cruise ship of your choice, and finally
the country of France. That’s right, it’ll all be yours ... If you’re
the winner among our 200 million entrants (we expect a members of the female
population to try and sneak into the contest as well.) The deadline
is September 30, and you may buy as many bottles of Schlongitude as you
can afford until then. And we PROMISE that we won’t go out of business
on September 29 and therefor regretfully have to terminate the contest
while we relocate to our new residences in Bahamas. Honest!
Of course, you can start easy and order a RISK-FREE bottle of Schlongitude
before you decide whether to participate in the contest. Simply send
us the money and we’ll send you the bottle, and if you’re not satisfied
after your first month, simply return the empty bottle along with a $39.95
fee (to cover postage of your refund check.) All refunds will coincidentally
be processed on September 30 by the way.
1 bottle / 60 caps: $49.95 (4 capsules/day)
1 bottle / 90 caps: $89.95 (6 capsules/day)
3 bottles / 4 caps: $196.95 (12 capsules/day)
12 bottles / 60 caps: $1,995.95 (1 bottle/day)
Call 1-800-SUCKER1 to order TODAY! |
 |
|
It may be a bit smelly, but hey, let's face the facts...
Chicks dig Paris! |
|
|
