Day #2: All the Junk You Can Buy for a Dollar

"The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and everyone is outside having a wonderful time at Alpenfest..."  Sure, we would've liked to spend the day like that, but it was more to the tune of "The sky is overcast with a good possibility of rain, there are so many people around that we couldn't hear the birds if we wanted to, and we keep running into the same people here at Alpenfest over and over and over..."

This is probably the most annoying part of attending a festival in such a small area because, no matter how hard you try, you always seem to see people several different times in a single night.  Yeah, it's great to stop and chat for a few minutes, but after you finally say 'Goodbye' or 'See ya later,' you're really not expecting later to be in about ten minutes!  Then when you do see them again, is it customary to say 'Hi' again, or to just keep on walking and pretend you didn't see them???
 

Our first stop on our second day was the parking lot.  Where else did you expect us to park?  Here I am putting some change into the meter, so we don't get a ticket.  Hmmm... $0.20 for two hours of parking or a $20 parking ticket - you do the math! As Matt emptied some change into the parking meter, I got an uneasy feeling that this wouldn't be the last monetary transaction we made that night...

We decided that this night would be totally devoted to the vendors that line the first half of the Alpenfest strip, so in other words we spent several hours walking around the 'elderly folks' who flocked around the dozens and dozens of booths.  One would assume that some of them would be fairly boring, selling shirts and hats and personalized nameplates for one's garage, but we did manage to find a few notables...
 

This looked like it had probably been a pretty cool store front, but apparently we showed up too late to see most of their products. We've all watched enough Wheel of Fortune to know that these aren't anywhere near the least popular letters in the alphabet, but then again, this is Gaylord, so go figure... What exactly can you spell using just the letters M and S, anyways?

Want to know how to really freak people out?  Bring a camera with you to the grocery store next time and you'll see what we're talking about.  They're expecting people to be taking pictures of their families, that's what tourists do, but you have to admit that most people don't normally walk around taking pictures of everyone else's products.  We hinted to a few vendors that maybe if they'd lower their prices just a bit, we'd be able to afford to do more than just take pictures of their stuff.  They kindly encouraged us to "Keep it moving..."
 

I can't remember how many times I've said, "More people need wooden ducks that follow each other around in a circle."  I probably can't remember because I've never said that before.  What kind of people buy this stuff?  "Well, honey, we got those painted rocks for the kids, I got the MS for the yard, I bet you'd like some wooden ducks that follow each other in a circle!"

It's really scary to think that this is what these people do all the time!  Sure, you might flip burgers for a living, but at least the average consumer knows what to do with your product.  How could someone honestly sit at home for countless hours making this kind of stuff, thinking, "Only five hundred more of these duck-circle things and we'll be able to send junior to college in the fall..."
 

This guy is obviously enjoying his Alpenfest experience.  Here he sits reading his book (which was all in Chinese, by the way). Apparently he came all the way from China to sell foot tall trees to people in Northern Michigan for $66.  He must have been planning this one for a long time...

You can't live the full Alpenfest lifestyle without doning a pair of lederhosen and dancing a little polka - you just can't.  Needless to say, we weren't able to live this part of the lifestyle because, as anyone who has ever been shopping for lederhosen knows, it's very expensive and nearly impossible to find.  When was the last time you were able to find a pair at The Gap or even JC Penny's?  About the only way to get these things is to find someone who has finally come to their senses and is trying to get rid of their pair...
 

This guy was part of the live entertainment of the night, a polka band.  At this point in the show, this guy, along with one of his fellow band mates, decided it would be a good idea to dance in the middle of the street where everyone was trying to walk.  He was mildly entertaining, but it looked like he was having some sort of a seizure.  By the way, just where can we get some leather shorts like that?  We know what the chicks like!  The band was fairly decent, even doing renditions of Frankie Yankovich's Too Fat Polka and Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville.

Just when you think you've seen everything, something like this next booth pops up.  You just can't make this kind of stuff up!
 

"Flowers Made of Fish Scales" Try as we did, we just weren't able to fight our way through the crowd to get a better picture of this amazing discovery. It was kind of stinky, anyways...

"Flowers Made of Fish Scales." If we had to describe our reaction to this in one word, that word would be: WHAT THE FUCK?!?  We understand the idea behind plastic flowers; they look real and you don't have to water them, sounds good.  What's the idea behind flowers made of fish  scales?  "I've got all these extra fish scales lying around, why don't I make flowers out of them!!"  How would anyone even discover they have the talent to do that?  Someone had a little too much to drink at the beer tent...

That's definitely enough from the vendor scene here at Alpenfest, so check back tomorrow when we'll take a look at everyone's favorite part of the festival - the carnival rides!  We'll laugh, we'll cry, and we'll most likely throw up, so you don't want to miss it...