Day #3: Lions, and Tigers, and Carnies - Oh My!!!

Honestly, what won't we do for our readers???  Today was definitely a big day, and an early one on top of that!  Although suprisingly few people actually take advantage of it, Alpenfest also serves breakfast on most of the festival days, so we hauled on down to the Alpenstrasse at the butt-crack of dawn to get a little grub.  Did we mention that it was free?

Possibly the best way to start your day without the risk of spreading any diseases, pancakes are easily on the top of our All-Time Awesomest Breakfasts list.  Think about it: a giant, fluffy stack of hotcakes, smothered in butter and maple syrup with a side of crisp bacon - it just doesn't get any better than that!  Unfortunately, due to the fact that the editors of Just Laugh magazine apparently can't read, we showed up on the wrong day and ended up getting biscuits and gravy instead.
 

We won't go as far as saying that it was a completely horrible breakfast, but let's just say that these are two guys that normally wouldn't get up early for sex, let alone for a plate of dry biscuits and chunky gravy...

Now we move on to what would probably be considered the most exciting part of the festival by the area's youth - the carnival!  Although we've found that generally as people get older, their desire to be flipped upside-down in a small metal cage slips away into nonexistance, this area obviously plays an important role here at Alpenfest - giving parents someplace to send their kids while they proceed to get smashed at the beer tent.  Nevertheless, on with the show...
 

Toss a dime into the air.  If it lands in a glass, you get to keep it and take it home!  Sadly enough, many people around here have been known to play this game solely with the intent of filling their cupboard.  Of course, you could always just go out to the store and buy a set of glasses, but then they'd all match...

Why do people get so into gaming at these things?  Possibly it's the gambling bug striking again, although instead of walking away with a pocket full of money, the best prizes found here at generally stuffed with cotton and almost always at least a foot too tall to fit in your car.  The funny thing is, though, where else are you going to find these gigantic stuffed animals?  Scott recalls a story about trying to find a huge stuffed giraffe for a girlfriend one Christmas season (as a gentle reminder as to why he shouldn't be forced to go shopping), but these things are impossible to find!  We've yet to find a Toys 'R Us that has a gigantic stuffed animal section, so maybe the carnival is the only way to go.  Just don't forget the bungee cords, so you can strap your prizes to the roof for the ride home!
 

Ever wonder what it takes to become a carny?  By carefully examing this game, we've decided that no doubt binge drinking has something to do with it.  After all, those empty beer bottles don't just grow on trees - there's probably quite a bit of after-hours work associated with this job: "Ok guys, we've still got two more cases of Labatt's and a case of Mike's to finish before we're done.  Get drinking!!"

Although this is without a doubt the coolest carnival game ever (or at least Scott's favorite), the Frog Bog is completely impossible to win.  For those living in caves, your goal is to catapult these frogs onto the floating lily pads, but the game is rigged.  Unless the attendant really likes you, you're destined to forever launch your frogs directly into the trailer strategically positioned behind the game.

Whenever you give a child a gun, or any weapon for that matter, you're just opening up a world of pain for all those in the area.  Sure, he might just shoot at the plastic cups like he's supposed to, but what happens when those cups get boring???
 

Charlton Heston in his younger years? Or possibly the next Eric or Lyle Menendez... Either way, this just isn't a good situation to allow!   NOTE TO ALPENFEST OFFICIALS: We weren't too impressed with the Baby's First Crossbow booth, either...

Contrary to popular belief, we did do more than just play around tonight.

Ok, no we didn't, but here's a little change of pace for you.  Taking a break from our rigourous gaming schedule, we hopped on down to the Kazoo Competition with the hopes of seeing some killer kazoo action going on.  Once again, the sound technicians here have failed us, though we did manage to work our way through the crowd to get a better listen.  The performers were everything that we had expected, the judges, although technically all members of the Alpenfest Queen's Pageant Court, did have adequate musical backgrounds to critique the show, but the clown???  There's just no good excuse at all...
 

We blame the lack of flare from this competition on deficient equipment.  It was obvious that the budget for this performance was quite limited, and yes, that did show in the final product. Let's spend the extra cash next year and get some quality kazoos, people!

No, no, no...  That's not even close to the end of our day!  Click below to continue with the second page.