10. Current technology makes it virtually impossible to get anyone pregnant via the Internet...at least for now.

9. You don’t have to cuddle with Internet porn, unless you really want to...

8. Even the best pay-sites only cost $14.95 a month and you can cancel at anytime!

7. If you do decide to cancel and later on change your mind, another $14.95 gets you back in – no questions asked!

6. No matter how bizarre, kinky, or perverse your wildest fantasies may be, Internet porn has got you covered...and then some.

5. Internet porn won’t consider you a disgusting pervert and make you sleep on the couch for suggesting a threesome. In fact, check the records - Internet porn actually thought of the idea first!

4. Weekly updates ensure that the relationship stays new and fresh!

3. Internet porn will never turn you away for calling too late in the week to make plans for the weekend.

2. There is little to no chance of Internet porn taking a sledgehammer to your car and doing some four thousand dollars worth of damage because you forgot to call for like, say, eight months or so...

1. Internet porn doesn’t love you for your dashing good looks or your charming personality or your ever-lasting wit; it simply loves you for your $14.95, and damn it – that’s good enough for some of us!