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By this point, you know what side of the fence you are on. You are either among those who got invited to the cool Halloween party where all the girls are dressed up like the Playboy Bunny, Johnny Walker Blue is flowing as smoothly as Bing Crosby’s voice, and there is at least a 69% chance that you emerge from bobbing for apples with a bra in your teeth from the 23-year old supermodel who has been dancing the topless version of the Monster Mash since Happy Hour. However, most likely, you are like the rest of us who will be watching your pumpkins get smashed by a 23-year old kid who could recite all of Cradle of Filth’s lyrics in fluent Bulgarian, but has been Hooked on Phonics since the early 90’s. Oh yeah, and you’ll be watching monster movies.
Of course, since you already feel that Just Laugh is the most mind-blowing thing since the Affleck-Lopez engagement, we know that you want to spend your evening with just as much laughter as screams. (Either that or Scott’s 8-foot tall mind-controlling device accidentally got switched on after many years of using it as a coat rack/laundry sorter/unpaid bills-storage/rowing machine/French bread maker). So, here is a list of the funniest of the scariest, the cheesiest of the spookers, and the movies that are guaranteed to make you laugh so hard that you scream.
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Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
The granddaddy of horror/comedies. Bud and Lou meet Dracula, the Frankenstein Monster, and the Wolfman. It is good clean fun for the kids and extremely laugh-inducing for the adults. This is a must view. |
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The Comedy of Terrors
A great comedy with Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Basil Rathborne, and Boris Karloff. Vincent Price and Peter Lorre play undertakers who have a sudden lack of business. So, they just kill people. Everyone is in top form in this flick, and it’s a fun romp. |
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Curse of the Queerwolf
The Wolfman was about lycanthropes, more commonly known as werewolves. Curse of the Queerwolf is about dickenthropes, which are more commonly known as transvestites. If a man gets bit by a transvestite, every full moon he will spring high heels and pantyhose, and sport more makeup than Tammy Fay Baker. The only way to control the symptoms is to A) wear a giant medallion of John Wayne around one’s neck 2) get sex-orcised 3) if all else fails, get killed by insertion of a large silver dildo. All this mayhem is under one banner: "Even a wrist that’s strong and firm, and holds up straight at night, will become limp when the queerwolf bites, and the full moon is bright." |
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Blood Freak
Hailed as the world's first turkey-monster-pro-jesus-anti-drug-gore-film, this film is probably more appropriate for a Thanksgiving viewing. Preferably have a screening of it before dinner so your senile great-great relative thinks that the family turkey will start attacking her. |
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Cannibal! The Musical
The first and last western/musical/comedy/horror/cannibalism feature, this was actually made by the creators of South Park. It’s about the first person ever to be tried in the United States for cannibalism. It’s available through Troma Studios and is truly a laugh-a-minute. Go ahead, have a spedoinkle day. |
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Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things
A great cult zombie film, this film is more than worth viewing. It’s about a leader of an acting troupe that decides that raising the dead will help his troupe’s acting career (I suppose that is the most logical step after Sally Struthers’ Train at home for a Better Acting Career course). So bad it’s good, this one is a must see. In fact, it is probably the only movie that gets most of its laughs from the "lack of prudence" over choosing the color pattern on one of the lead actor’s pants. |
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